2/26/2024

Hello internet, I have just begun redisigning the site. Maybe it looks a little weird, I'm nt sure, but I got sick of the space background. We're moving into the purple appocalypse. Or aftermath. As I've said in the past I began this blog at a very hard time in my life. I was coming out of a very difficult Summer of working, and going into dual enrollment, essentially biting off more than I could chew and not knowing how to say no. Now I'm out. Its over. I'm done. I escaped, and thats good. I am better for it. But I still have the blog, the deivice that helped to carryme through these hard times. I have not felt the need to journal as much of my experience down lately. Maye its because of an identity fallout, or less isolation in my life. Maybe its the connection I have between bad times and this website which I've built from the ground up. Thats why I am doing a redesign, but even that does not feel like enough. Not enough difference.
This, challenge, if you will- you know what, lets cut the bullshit. I am thinking about taking a hiatus from the blog. Or the website. I'm not sure what I want to do. Maybe I want to close the website and start over, or start a new version. Competely undergo changing the whole thing. I just don't know if I can keep this up. I don't quite have a plan yet on how I want to go about this. I'll probably have more of a complete plan tomorrow. What I am thinking of doing is pausing the blog, or just making the posts less frequently. I won't be including the missed days posts. I'm changing my goals with the blog. Not quantity of posting every day. Rather posting when I feel the need to say something. I documented a whole semester of school, a portion of my life. Not a huge portion, but nonetheless a portion. This is an achievement, a big one at that. I revived a part of myself that I had believed to bee dead. A part of myself that had the ability to commit to something small, something small that would add up to something big, at a time of my life where so much big change had startled my life. I am thankful for everything this blog has brought me and all the people and ideas it has connected me to, but maybe its time to deattach. Maybe its time to let go.

It is not over.

-Jemma

2/25/2024 Missed

2/24/2024 Missed

2/23/2024

Stop that train, I wanna get on

I don't know much at all of what I want to say today. I'm not obligated to type anything up on here, I guess I just choose to. Maybe its that its a months old habit. Months. Whats it been? Since September. The twenty ninth. Its almost been five months of the blog. This blog has carried me through things. I wish you could all see the time between each line I write today. The pauses. The long pauses. The pause happens every line. Every line it does.
I'm thinking about redesigning the the site in purple. Like the Mystic Room. Feels that its time for a change in aesthetic in the design along with how I've been dressing. Last semester I was able to go all out three days a week, and I am thankful for it. Most days of the week I could dress as punky, gothic, and crazy as I wanted. I took advantage, even though I had to change for gym. This semester college is different, its three days a week instead of two, leaving me two odd days to dress how I want, but I don't want to because I feel that I have to take advantage of them. So I keep dressing somewhat interesting, interesting enough where it doesn't cross the lines of the college kicking me. Crossing the lines into strange, and even questionable if anyone payed me any piece of their mind, but otherwise blending. Blending with the flooding sea of persons I wade through day by day. Theres a concept in sociology, I forget what its called. Someting about the tide or pull or wave of soceity. You move with it, its easy, its safe. You don't have to worry. Then you push against it. You don't feel the force of soceity till you fight it. The force of the norms and values. You don't. I barely push against the waves but I feel the undertoe pulling me away.
Time to snap out of that bullshit. Its all true, but I gotta pay attention to whats going on around me. Alright, goodbye.

-Jemma

2/22/2024

Maybe its disallusionment, alas I name thee zoned. I think but instead I feel and listen to the music sweetly sway its way into my ears and wish for nothing but the now and watch around me all the details. The detailed pieces all around me. The hidden hooks in the wall as I think and search for what to throw upon them. For a brief moment I feel free of my own thoughts, and have now drifted back to them. I feel the tension of soceity nearing from the outer layer of the inside of my chest coming in to grapple against the hunger in my stomach for attention. I live in thoughts and things beyond the literal. Beyond what sits in the gaze of my eyes. Rather. Eek. Apple. Writing becomes like the pastels I pave upon the paper, it doesn't have to be good or make sense, but rather add on to the experience of mine to impliment in the future. Implement? I can not spell but I can keep on going. Besides, it takes less time to go forward than move back. Leave youth culture to the youth, retro isnt real. Retro is invasion, willfully brought in by fascination. Here I cut the blog.

-Jemma

2/21/2024

Its Rock-A-Billy Wednesday, we're rockin and rollin and slipin and slidin and peepin and hidin and all that shit. Started off the morning rollin a little slow but we're workin on up and workin on out, tryna get into the groovve. I got other things to work on though, so I'll see you all later!

-Jemma

2/20/2024

Holy shit I can not believe that it is already the twentieth of February already. I have a feeling that this blog has become too much a part of me, or too in my life. I feel that I need it to take more of a back seat in my productivity. I'm not sure what needs to take the front seat, I just think I've been thinking about the blog and updating the blog far too much. I'm not saying I'm gonna stop doing blog posts, but maybe less coding? I'm not sure, I'll keep yall updated on whats going on with this. Peace!

-Jemma

2/19/2024

Well, we are here at school and I am not very happy. Nothing can make this better to be honest, my DS just died. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. This weekend I started to think about the intensity of the internet. Its pretty overwhelming. Everything in our lives is affected by it, yet we cannot see it. I don't owe the world anything.
Side note: I am doing more reading on little blogs and things, so I'll put what i'm reading on here beccause why not:

• Being Human by PYU

-Jemma

2/18/2024

The dance was great last night! Decided I don't think I'm gonna drop any photos, because I like my privacy, but I promise the dress was beatiful. My Mom keeps walking up behind me while im coding and I do not like it so I think I am going to cut the blog for today.

-Jemma

2/17/2024

Goodmorning blog. Today is the school dance. I hope you all read this like youre reading letters you receive from a girl in a TV show, one that doesn't really take place now but could take place now and you can't quite tell. I promise you I'm real, but I wonder if it seems like that when I say something like,"Today is the school dance, la la la la la!" and you have no context or details about this dance, only that this retroweb gothish blogger girl named Jemma whose website you've somehow found is going to some sort of school dance, probably a highschool dance because if you picked up the fairly obvious hints all over the website I'm obviously in highschool. I've been finding a lot of other retroweb blogger people to look up to lately whose websites I think are cool or who I think are really chill. Kinda gives me hope for the future to see these girls in their like early twenties being how I want to be when I'm older. In reality I know nothing about them, but the general idea is cool. Now I have like three or four role models (that I don't know in person outside of family and stuff).
Anyways, school dance. I might post a picture of me in my dress on the blog if I get a good picture, basically giving you all the first picture you've ever seen of me (unless you're friends with me on discord or on the discord server and seen my profile picture). Pretty wild. I never really thought anything would become of this little blog, but here I am with a blog, several pages, internet friends, loyal readers, and a webring. Also more understanding of HTML and CSS. Its pretty nuts. Since about September 29, 2023 I've been watering this website like a little plant, adding blog posts, blinkies, buttons, graphics, tidbits, and other silly things on. I hope you've all enjoyed watching it grow! The best is yet to come.

-Jemma

2/16/2024

Helllo internet. I hate the news. It just stresses me out and I already have too much shit to deal with right now. I'm not syaing I won't be aware of things and that type of shit, more saying that if Russia has a new super weapon or some shit it doesn't matter, it won't effet my life until it does and there is nothing I can do about it or control it. Its outside of my control. Anyways, I hvae news for you all!
On the site I have now created a webring called the Webjems Webring. I haven't completely deecided what I want the theme of the webring to be yet, as there is only three members including me, but I think its gonna have something to do with cool aesthetic or the sorts. Maybe just my friends or websites of people that I think are cool. I guess its my webring or something. Also, I have updated the About Me page. I think I may have updated other things on the site.. Oh yeah, I finally got that email for contact! Its jemmaontheweb@gmail.com. If I ever get my own site domain then I will do an email for that, but then I have to get Neocities premium, which is five dollars every month, adding up to sixty dollars I don't have for something like this website which I get no revenue from. If you all want to email me ever or anything, I would love to hear! I love hearing from people who read the blog, its so inspiring to me and makes me so happy to hear others value my ramblings. Alright, I'm gonna hit up the music section.

This morning I have been listening to The Retail Simps. Also a whole bunch of random songs that I don't feel like listing out. Side note: in AP Lit we are reading Fences, which I have found to be quite good. Its really crazy, but I like it. So this is where I am going to cut the blog for today, if you want to join the Webring shoot me an email or join the discord server and contact me there, I might take a look at your site and talk with Evie about adding you because we're kind of doing it together, but chances are you're in. Also, if you want, hit me up over the new email! Cant wait to hear from yall, have a good weekend!

-Jemma

2/15/2024

Hey internet. Whats happening. I feel the ground rumbling and I don't know why. I feel kind of sick, but thats okay. I think I've just been eating wrong or something. This weekend I am going to chill. Maybe take it off to myself or something. I don't have to work, so thats off my plate. I'm probably gonna go see a movie. My ribcage hurts and feels really tight. MY ribs feel like theyre pinching into me. I ccan't tell why. Maybe I'm not breathing right. I watched Clerks the other day. Did you know Dante was gonna get shot at the end? Its interesting. I don't know what I've got to think about this. Its looking like I'm running out of time. I've got to pack it up for now but I'll be back for sure.
My stomach is still shooting with pain. I don't know why. I don't think its anxiety. Maybe stress. I think I definiitely am going to need to weekend to myself. I gotta reconnecct with myself. Gotta clean up my room. Also, I keep getting told by people that they think I have OCD. Its wild. I guess its not wild, I just don't know how to feel about it. Like, what if I do have OCD? How, if it will, will it effect my life? Would I have to get medication? If I am functioning fine then why should I do anything about it? Would it make my stress and anxiety levels? Maybe I should be asking a doctor these questions instead of you readers of my blog reading them rhetorically. Anyways, I think I am going to jump to the music section so I can go read some other people's internet blogs (like my friend Evie's that you should totally check out).

This morning I have been listening to Mary J Blige and Guitar Wolf. I really like guitar wolf. They have a great movie that I 100% recomend watching that I give 200000 out of 10 stars that is on youtube that came out in 1999 that you should all watch that I would be linking here if I could find it again, but for some reason it is gone. God damn it man. Every day I wear super tight skinny jeans beccause I'm fun like that, but today they feel so tight around my waist. The body dysmorphia is kickin hard once again I feel. Im not sure though. Anyways, goodbye.

P.S. Mani, one of my favourite neocities blogger artist persons just posted a new blog post and I think you should all go read it!

P.S.S. Seeing as I'm just reading a bunch of different articles and things right now I am going to make a list of the ones I like and that I think are worth reading. Enjoy!

• Site Stuff Ig by Evie
• Are We Really Unique? by Yeger
• Burnout by Mani

I know I could put these on the Articles page, but because they are more emotion and feeling and relating to what I am feeling right now rather than informational I am just listing them here. I might put one or two of them on the articles page later though once I decide the directions and qualifications of my own articles page. Okay, I am going to stop typing here (other than maybe adding more articles to the list) now for real. Ciao!

-Jemma

2/14/2024

Happy Valentines Day web surfers!
To everybody that is lonely on this day, I am sorry. I know today is going to be really hard. It usually is a really hard day for me too, this year being the one exception to that. I feel like Valentines Day leaves a lot of people out in the cold, literally and figuratively.
Anyways, I forgot to bring my DS to school today so I can't play Princcess Peach. This makes me sad. Plus I have a shit ton of stuff to do and going on today. That is okay though, I will survive(?).Anyways, my girlfriend is here so I am giong to continue the blog later

Alright, we're back and I am in economics class. I am still having a good day and excited for DND and the movie today. I'm a little nervous, but we're all good. I wish I didn't have college today, but thats alright. I don't have my three hour studio class anymore, so its all good! This morning I have been listening to Ngozi Family, Tommy Tucker, and Little RIchard. I've been realizing through my art and music and life that I live a life of internalized recycling and curiosity with the past. I'm not saying anything deep, because I can't, I'm young. But like, I love history and I am constantly fascinated with its story. I gather antiques, not good antiques, just random things. Like the old painting of Jesus above the electric organ, and the old prints of paintings, and the map of the motherland. My room is living proof. The album covers lining the walls and doors, the pokemon cards taped up (in card sleeves of course), the stuffed animals of my youth in my bed. I have a hard time letting go of things, which portrays not only my loyalty, but my stubborness. Even this blog. I can never keep a consistent story style or aesthetic. I try to say I'm a goth, my website somewhat seems like it, but I can't stay loyal to it. It is a part of me, but I dont usually dress super gothic. I listen to the music, but when I'm in the mood. Yes, I'm a poseur, but I don't care. I'm not claiming to be some sort of goth stereotype. I'm claiming to be Jemmaontheweb, and that is what I hope you all see. But this website even is a collage of things that I've found on the web. The fonts coming from dafont, the 9-11 memorial coming from an old geocities site, the words I use coming from those around me. The thoughts in my head come from a soceity which I have not constructed, but only been born into. Have a great Wednesday webcrawlers!

-Jemma

2/13/2024

Hello internet! Today I am doing good again! I made up with my girlfriend, got to wear my new shirt, finished an art piece, and I have gotten to play Super Princess Peach a whole bunch today. I woke up pretty early, played a bit, and then haved my legs kinda badly because I didn't have much time to. Next hour in our study hall type thing I am going to fix my essay and then hopefully play more Super Princess Peach. I am lowkey obsessed with this game right now because a) I am so literally princess Peach and b) its been a while since I've super focused on playing a ds game and gotten really really into it (exceptions being Tomodachi Life and Pokemon White 2). Lets hit the music section.

Today I have been listening to Bob Marley, Mary J Blige, James Brown, and Muddy Waterss. Hope you all have a great Tuesday, I will see you later!

-Jemma

2/12/2024

Goodmorning internet! I am currently listen to my parents yell at eachother.. Uhhhhhh.. I'm sure theyre fine, I'm gonna ignore that befcause I was in a really good mood to make a blog post until this.
I am so excited for so many things, not just this week but to look forward to in general. Yes, this week I am going to see Lisa Frankenstein with my Girlfriend on Valentines day!!! I am so excited! Also there is the school dance on Saturday which is gonna be fun! Still gotta buy tickets for it, and I don't think a lot of people are going because of stupid new school policies, but its gonna be cool. To be real, I am more excited to go see Lisa Frankenstein. Also, this shirt I bought thrifting stank when I bought it, just like an old lady (which I am fine with, old ladies are cool), but my Dad said he'd get the smell out, and he finally did! So tomorrow I am going to wear my new shirt. Also, yesterday I went to the Library and I got this sweet book, Us by Sara Soler. Its amazing! Ten out of ten, fully recommend, I am probably going to ask for a copy of it for my birthday which is also coming up which I am excited for. You know its a good book because I do not normally read books in one night. Its gotta be really really really really really good for me to do that, which this was. Its up there with King City and 1-800 Mice. Okay, maybe not in the ranks, but its like probably my fourth favourite book right now. Its just a different type of book. Also, I have more stuff to look forward to now! My Uncle gave me a 50 dollar Nintendo giftcard for Christmas (which is wild and awesome and I did not expect) and I am totally gonna get the Princess Peach: Showtime game when it comes out, and I am so excited! I am gonna have a whole gallery of pics on this post lol. Anyways, lets hit the music section for the first time in a while

This morning I have been listening to Bob Marley, Ngozi Family and Betty Harris. Alright internet, I will see you later. Ciao!

-Jemma

2/11/2024

Hello internet. I feel pretty good today. Got my homework (or atleast one assignment of it) done right away this morning, and I've got to go to Church in a minute. Its also superbowl sunday, not that I give a shit about sports. My mom has just had local news on like all morning so I'm feeling somewhat aware.
Theres this lady on the news that almost has this mystique to her. She wears a red blazer and has short white and grey hair. Shes also got this look in her eyes like she sees you through the camera as its broadcasted onto the TV screen. Shes also got a big gold medallion on her necklace, and golden suns all around her. What is this? Its amazing. I like it. I'm not even making this shit up.
Okay, back to my rambling. Sports and gambling are not a good combo in my opinion. In sports you've already got people all emotionally charged, making them make stupid decisions, and then you add the convenience of gambling on your phone and I feel like this is stacking up for disaster. Do you guys remember all this gambling shit being around? This feels relatively new to me, like its been around only for the past like five years or something. Maybe thats just when I became more conscious of things.
Also, yesterday I opened up my old laptop to test my CD Rom version on the site. Soo... The site didnt work to well on it. I could load it, but the buttons wouldnt work. BUT, well I was on my laptop I found a bunch of my old stuff. I can totally see parts of how I ended up where I am, with making this website and all, and with other stuff generally in my life. It was interesting to find a bunch of photos of people that I no longer talk to and or like. I'm only really friends with a few people from middleschool still, as a lot of them went to a different highschool and I didnt get along with too well anyways. Its hard to- I lost my train of thought paying attention to the news. Idk, it was a real time capsule and mentally threw me back. I got in my car to drive to work after that and I felt as though it was back in the day when it was my Mother's car and she was driving me to school. Or somewhere. Just driving in that car in an unfamiliar place far from here. Anyways, I've gotta go to Church (as my Mom is making me until I move out of the house). Bye internet!

P.S. I did make a template and guide on how to make a site like mine that you can download on the Links page!

-Jemma

2/10/2024

Hey internet! I don't feel like typing much, but I'm feeling pretty good right now! Just got home from work and I'm in a funky Zamrock mood. Its too bad I didnt get to see my girlfriend today, but I'll see them tomorrow! I also got the site loaded onto a CD Rom and it worked! I now have a fully functional backup of the site as of 2/5/2024. Anyways, I think thats where I'll leave you all for today. Goodnight!

P.S. what would you guys think if I made a template for the design of my site for all to use? Just thinkin about it. I would include instructions in the code on how to customize it and things. If you think itd be a really good idea or something you gotta tell me, might get me on the faster track of actually doing it!

-Jemma

2/9/2024 Missed

2/8/2024

I feel myself slipping away. I feel sometimes like I am a shell of a person I used to be, and I can only be myself on certain days. Something always gets in my way. Today its the dentist, tuesday it was plans meant to be and then cancelled, and every other day its college. I can't wait to escape this void. This lack of self. I need a break. A holiday. Uninterupted by college. We have midwinter break this Friday and next Monday, but I still must go to college. I never get a fucking day off. It pisses me the fuck off. How is someone suposed to survive weilding the dual roll of college student and highschool kid. Im just a fucking kid, I can't do this. Or am I even a kid anymore? At the age of ## my irresponsible youth is denied. Older people would say I'm still a kid, but if this were the past theyd be dead. Our genetics claim us to be adults now, and why should I deny nature? Nature knows more than the individual. Atleast I'm only missing a stupid class to my dentist appointment, so hopefully I won't have to make up any quizes. Maybe, just maybe, I'll have to make up my government quiz, but thats okay. Atleast its not my AP Lit timed essay or my Geology quiz. Why is my life so wrapped up in all this stupid shit. Why do I give a fuck. It doesn't matter if all this matters because it is beginning to no longer matter to me. Nothing is carrying me through this. The light at the end of the tunnel is a dim lightbulb acting a visitors center for moths. The light isn't college, it isn't graduation. I don't care if I graduate. I don't care if I'm college fucking career and life ready. I care about my video games, internet blogging, and my life! My fucking life! Where is the humanity. I'm like Hermione Granger with the time turner. I dont know how she hasnt attempted suicide or had a fucking mental break down (note to my girlfriend and friends, I am not going to kill myself). Today I need to rest after school I think. I need to go home and try and enjoy my life. Actually, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Alex G is playing at the end of the tunnel, and there is my girlfriend and maybe after dinner they can come over and we can play wii bowling and pokemon rumble or something. The end of the tunnel is when I get out of therapy. I'll probably get home around 3:30. I've got time after I make it through this webbed awfulness of a day. Its like I'm crawling through a cobwebbed vent with rusty scrap metal poking out all around me as I bleed and probably get tetnis, but I crawl out the other end at 3:30 out the side of a hill. The vent goes from an industrial warehouse in a labrynth of materials only manmade into fields. Hills and fields. Nothing of much elevation, just calm grass and blue skies with light sunshines and light winds and there my girlfriend is on a picnic blanket and we sit and we wait until dusk and I wake up in my bed in my underwear thats not really mine and hold my Sylveon stuffed animal tight and drift into the land of the stuffed animals where they await my return, and my childhood best friends are there and we traverse the universe of the stuffed animals only to awaken on a perfect Saturday morning. This is what I want although it may never be achieved. What I want is my soul back. I must help it escape from the grades and papers and advanced classes and college. To most, college is a fresh start full of opportunity, for me it is something I fight. Something tearing at my right limbs, while highschool clings to my left. I want to go left. I want to be in highschool. I want to just be a normal highschooler.

-Jemma

2/7/2024

Alright internet, lets quit the bullshit. Who cares what matters or not, what matters is I've got assignments to do and shit to get done. Like my planning for DND today! I almost forgot I need to plan. I'd tell you all about the campaign, but members of it might read the blog. Maybe once its over I'll release all the resources to run it on the website for you nerds to use lol. Not only do I have this to work on, but I've got an essay I'm writing on social media and its function in our soceity due on Friday, or atleast the draft of it for peer editing. I'm also gonna ask my English teacher if she'll look over it. I'm trying to think what else is going on... Oh yeah! I finally get the same lunch at school with my girlfriend and one of my best friends! This semester I have so many of my friends in my lunch this semester, its awesome. Last semester I had to make all sorts of new friends, but thats also good. I'm in economics right now, and today has not been bad so far. Last night I had a lot of fun eating pancakes with my girlfriend and then playing pokemon (I won). We're facing off in Pokemon Black 2 and White 2 and each time we beat a gym we battle. We also set a level cap so that neither of us just level all the way up too fast. Theres nine battles (including the one fter the elite four), so somebody is gonna win. So far I've won the first two even though I'm underleveled. My team right now is Lucario, Servine, Pidove, Flaafy, Marill, and uhhhhh... I can't think of the fifth one. OHH, wait, its a Growlithe. Yeah, so thats that. Right now I'm in economics and we are talking about the four factors of production and that kind of thing. I don't mind learning about this. The teacher is definitely cooler and more interesting than my other teachers. This might be my favorite class right now. Its easy, interesting enough, etc. I do like Sociology, but I don't like what it takes to get there. At this point in writing the blog I am trying to decide if I want to keep writing. Like in economics, theres an opportunity cost. The opportunity cost is the things I lose by making the choice I make. The opportunity cost of me writing this right now is that I am paying less attention to my economics class, which might result in a shitty grade, or that I am not working on my essay, which could do the same, and the opportunity cost of me not working on the DND campaign right now making things possibly less stable later when I run the campaign. Right. Now we're talking about rich people and how they aren't bad. Sometimes school is hard because I don't know what to believe or agree with. Maybe I'll be rich some day. If I get rich I'm starting something that will help the school system. I wanna do something to help education. Education is the way out, its the key to our success in my opinion. As much as I hate school I recognize its value. This might be one of the most important experiences of my life. Right now I write my blog, and I don't know what the gain of doing this is. I'm taking a risk. Sure, it might be a small risk, but its a risk none the less. I am saying that my resource, time, is worth betting on writing this blog. But why? I realize some of my blog posts have been getting longer lately. I've been asking myself philisophical questions while I write this. In some of the blog posts I write pseudo-poetry. I know I write it for others to read. I think it helps that my girlfriend reads it. I'm not writing it for them, but they create the bare minimum of an audience for me. I know theres a few others of you that read this. Maybe my friends, like the one or two have told me. Theres a vague gesture of this being read in the notion of you all liking the updates I make on Neocities. Its not that I do this becuase of these things, but rather it shows me that other people think this risk is worth it. You could be doing other things right now. You don't have to be reading my blog. Your opportunity cost is everything else you could be doing. Instead you read my thoughts, showing me that they must be somewhat valuable. But why? Thats the real question. Why does anyone think what I am doin on here is important? From a functionalist perspective, there must be some sort of function this serves in the betterment of soceity. Neocities must think it is worth it for their causes to host all these websites, including my little one. I've built a wealth of my thoughts on here, to be saved on the internet for the searchers of now and the future. You wouldn't be here if you weren't interested in me and what I am doing. For the people of the future, I imagine this could be researched to figure out the life of a weirdo alt kid. That launches me into my debate of how I think there is no alternative anymore because everybody is alternative to everbody else in the age of the internet. Thats another blog post for another day and I feel like I have been typing all hour (because I have) so I am going to cut to the music section and leave you with my thoughts.

Today I have been listening to Dance Hall Crashers (took me about thirty seconds to write that link in here because neocities gets laggier on my chromebook every day) and Etta James. Anyways, I'll probably go type my essay now. Peace out!

-Jemma

2/6/2024

I don't understand why I'm at school. All these arbitrary assignments dragging out things I'm suposed to be learning that I already know, and I get marked down points when I cut to the point and show I know. I already know your types of government. I already know what scarcity is. I don't know what I need. Why do I think like this. I think I might be color blind. Also, side note, yesterday I updated the Mystic Page. It was a secret page on the website back when I started out on neocities, but now I just have it out and I fixed it up because it got broken when I completely redid the website UI. I'm kind of pissed off and I don't know why. Theres like a rage built up in my chest. I need to change something but I dont know what. I thought the semester change would be what I needed, but its not. I need to get out. I need to go. Maybe I'm fed up with soceity, but I don't know what about soceity I am fed up with. I know I'm kind of sick of school. Sick of some of the other kids. But why? I'm not sure why. People's attitudes might be what bothers me. Why do these people even matter? Nothing has to matter to me.

Yesterday I watched all but the last ten minutes of Easy Rider and I think it did something in my brain. I feel like the universe is telling me that all these structures in my life that I believe are thin plaster walls, and I am a ghost easily able to slip through the walls. To be continued.

All of these theories and things exist that don't really matter. Who cares how time works? Who cares if we are in a simulation? It doesn't make me less hungry right now. It doesn't make a difference directly on my life. All these thoughts I have are probably already documented so THOSE dont even matter. Why do I even write my blog? I live in a land in my head with no goals and no direction, Im just doing all these things for goals Ive forgotten about. It DOESNT matter. None of THIS matters. I need structure. I need some sort of goal. I need direction. Why am I internalizing all of this stupid shit Ive heard in the past. None of it matters. But it must matter to me. Otherwise I wouldnt be thinking about it right now. I need to figure out what matters to me. I am the government of my own head. I am the only one at the table. Does nobody elses opinions matter? Thats narcisistic. Something like that. Okakay, theres like, seven people, maybe eight or nine at the table. Or maybe theres different tables. Theres the family table, thats the most important one. I guess, aside from my own seperate throne in my head, because I should rule my own mind. Then theres the social table, thats where I've got my girlfriend and besties. Then maybe theres other tables. Who runs the ball room? Theres different ball rooms in which each table belongs. Or just rooms. I have the keys, I have the secret passageways. I must hide certain articles from other rooms. Ruling the kingdom of my own head is difficult. Im juggling all this bullshit and I cant catch all the objects flying at me. Therefore I give them no meaning, it no longer matters. I can walk through the walls. There will be consequences, but which ones matter. To be continued.

I guess what matters is that I'm doing things that make me happy, and I'm happy when I laugh. What I gotta do is not take things so seriously. Sure, nothing matters, but who cares? That doesn't effect my life. I have to tell a story and start a project. That will give me purpose. Even if its a phase.
end

-Jemma

2/5/2024

Hello internet. I am in hell (English class) again. I want to go home and I just got here. Duuuuude. What is going on right now. I literally don't know. I really would hope... I just lost the thoughts. Sixty days to the AP exams. I am so excited to not have to deal with this bullshit. AP classes are stupid. Great opportunity, but stupid. I will admit the teacher is pretty creative, but I don't really give a shit about this class anymore. Like, whats the point. The final exam after the AP Lit exam is a project. I really don't give a shit. We have to read shakespeare too. I really don't give a shit. Dude, and this isn't even my last year of highschool. Next year I am going to be so fucking burnt out. I am going to stop this blog for now because I do not give a shit about anything right now.

-Jemma

2/4/2024

Okay internet, I'm just stopping in quick to make the blog post. I finally updated the Tomodachi Life shrine, and I might make a shrine to my new Miitopia save file today before I leave to go for a walk in the park with my girlfriend. I hope you're all having a lovely Sunday afternoon, I'll see you tomorrow!
Reminder to myself: no college class tomorrow

-Jemma

2/3/2024

Hello hello hello internet. I want to go hom- oh wait, I am at home for once. This is crazy. Yesterday was super cool and today is super coolish I guess. I work till nine, but yk, whatever. Yesterday after school I hung out with my Girlfriend and went thrifting. I got a cool sweater shirt thing that I love. Its sparkly and makes me look like a cool pirate. My family thinks it looks silly or stupid or something, but oh well. Atleast I didn't hide it from them like my other clothes that I have. I am currently on and off playing club penguin. I also got wendy's yesterday, which was nice. And my parents payed for it!! I also did my sociology homework this morning. I'm not doing the music section today and I think I will cut the blog here. Actually, also, I created two new pages lately on the site; that being the The Pokemon Card Strategies page and the My Albums page. You can read more about them on the pages. Anyways, peace out!

-Jemma

2/2/2024

I don't like Febuary. Or February? I don't even know how to spell the bitch. I'm just so tired and theres nothing anyone can do about it but me.. I don't have the energy for life. Like, there's so much I have to do and I only have two arms, two legs, and an excuse of a brain- my dad just walked past and went,"You writing a blog post? You've got an internet journal?" I'm dying, it was so funny for no reason. I've been writing dates on all the notes and papers I've had in school lately so someday if I wanted to I could trace that to the blog and see how I was feeling the day I wrote the blog post. Oh, I have a seperate tangent to go off on. I haven't been feeling like dressing up because A) Winter break a FUCKING MONTH AGO has still killed my vibes and B) because of the college I am dual enrolling at I have to dress "presentable" or whatever three days a week so then when I feel like I can dress nice on Tuesdays and Thursdays I feel less like I want to because I feel like I have to because its the only time I get a chance. Its a mess. Next year I don't think I am going to dual enroll, I'll have a normal year of school so I can dress how I like and be awful. Sometimes I think about starting to skip class and steal and walk around when I'm not suposed to. Maybe next year I will. Sometimes I think about starting to smoke. I'm not going to, but its a thought sometimes. I'm gonna say its not a serious thought though because I know my Girlfriend is going to read this and I don't want her thinking I'm actually gonna start sparking up a blunt in the afternoons after school. If I was going to do anything I'd be smoking weed though, because vapes scare me. Like, you don't know whats in it. Also its like putting a fucking USB drive into your mouth. So silly, isn't it?

This morning I have been listening to Blind Lemon Jefferson and Son House. Anyways, I should leave for school in a few minutes as it is 7:11. I'll see you all tomorrow.

-Jemma

2/1/2024

Holy SHIT its been A MONTH!! This is craziness. Valentine's Day, Snow Ball, my Birthday eventually. I hate this class. This English class is awful. Okay, moving on, I don't care. I'm kinda pissed, kinda bored, and kinda wanna go home. I need to finish this later.
Alright, I'm back and feeling much better. Did some collaging, did my counselor appointment, went to economics, and now I have a quote from a magazine to share to you all that made me pause during my collaging.

"She rarely gets full-throttle angry. Instead she'll spend weeks stewing over a self-entitled co-worker or her own hatred of the gym. Nobody would know, though; she keeps it all to herself.
Which is exactly the problem: not feeling anger-which is hardwired into the human brain-but burying that useful emotional response until it turns into a quiet simmering. While some women vent and move on, many of us were taught to not make a scene. We're overworked, sleep-deprived, always on call, and generally cranky about it. And as anyone with a social media account knows, we feel outraged daily-"

I relate to this immensely. So manny things drive me just a little bit nuts. The nuance it takes to do my makeup, the rate at which my hair grows, the seemingly constant hunger I make myself go through day by day ony by chosing to avoid my problems, the way I procrastinate- the whole thing reminds me of an old song I wrote a year-ish or more ago called Ten Things I Hate About Me. I need to let go. Nothing is permanent, this is all temporary. It's like Bhuddist stuff with the not getting attatched to Earthly things, except instead of it being objects or people its these feelings. I need to let them go. I need to. I can't let this all hold me down. My computer keeps lagging because its at like 10%, so if there are a ton of typos in this blog post you can blame that for it. I think I'm gonna jump to the music section now.

Today I have been listening to The Pebbles and Siouxie and the Banshees. Thats it for today internet, I'll see you tomorrow.

-Jemma

1/31/2024

I layer garments over me once and twice, again and again, but cannot seem to keep warm at the cold inside my own house tears against my skin from underneath my layers of defense. I've slept a good night's sleep and still the lust to slumber hangs on my eyelids dragging them shut. I sit in my chair and smash letters onto the keyboard ignoring everything around me as I consume myself in my own gloom.
The skys may not be grey, but after one has seen so many skys of grey one has no reason to check.
The air may not be cold, but after one has felt so much cold one has no reason to check.
The buzzing and drilling and screaming of the world may be gone, but after one's ears have been flooded with the buzzes and drills and screams of the world for so long one has no reason to check
If it all were gone I would be staring at a glossy black sheet of plastic. Perhaps thats what the world sees. Thousands of little McMurphy like figures standing and sitting and yelling and talking to and by glossy black sheets and tubes filled with nothing, a true act of dellusion. Perhaps when pets knock our phones out of our hands and sit on our keyboards they act in order to protect us. They know what we do not as they are a part of nature
In the end we are fine. I feel I will move on from this feeling only to present another. When I feel this mood I pick up right back where I left off. When I don't feel like this I will forget. This is the nature of my own mind. I am a gravekeeper. When the dead attempt to rise in my mind I knock them back down into the dirt, but it is a lonely passion. A gravedigger is important, but feels this not. I am not alone. I have friends who I talk to online and at school, I have a wonderful girlfriend who cares so much about me, and a family intending only to protect and look out for me. The crushing weight of imposter syndrome and academics is what has ruined me. Are there any students in the highschool that are normal? People claim I am not normal for I dress different and talk different and act different, but I am completely normal. I am not weird or strange. I am human. Others hide their nuanced selves from the public light; I can't see the light whether I hide or walk straight through it. It matters not to me. I fight battles with enemies I won't see after the next year. None of this highschool stuff will follow me but the friends I make and the academics I achieve. Even the friends may disapear if we are not careful to hold on. I urge all you who read to cling with scraping, grabbing, and clawing appendeges to those and that which you are brought to like. We must keep close with those around us we understand and enjoy. Local groups are important. This may not be how one sees their groups of friends, but it is what they are. They are local groups we've designed to keep us sane and orderly with our own standards, and they function for the good of soceity. Do NOT be a loner, reach out to those around you and don't let go. Never let go.

While I type the vibrations of Siouxie and the Banshees and Bauhaus flood my ears. I wish you all farewell. Godspeed soldiers.

-Jemma

1/30/2024

Hello internet, yesterday I didn't get to finish the blog. Oh well. Today is a normal day, so I am happy. I don't have to worry about college shit. Thank GOD. I also saw that people have been liking and commenting on my blog post updates on Neocities, which is fuckin crazy. I never check it to be honest, until yesterday. Thank you all for reading, I had no clue my messages are actually reaching people. Its pretty weird that anyone would want to read my weird ramblings. Like, this is just me completely train of thoughting onto the internet. Stream of consciousness is the word! My peers I asked said its called ADHD or having no filter. I don't care, I'm pretending that this blog will have no effect on my future whatsoever, nobody is looking at neocities unless it explodes into the public eye, which isn't gonna happen probably. I feel like the whole Carrd thing made it kind of do that, and the exodus from twitter a bit (fuck twitter by the way). But like, you can't just go around saying shit about neocities and have people know what you are talking about. Unless you're my one co-worker who has been on Neocities since highschool and won't tell me their fucking website. I'm hunting them down on here. Jesus Christ my back itches right now.

This morning I have been listening to Dale Hawkins, Wanda Jackson, Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins, Little Richard, and Chuck Berry. Lots of artists this morning, its been a little crazy. I worked out, then showered, then made myself breakfast, and then went to school. Now I'm here in English class wrapping up the blog for today. Goodbye.

-Jemma

1/29/2024

January is almost fucking over, this is crazy! I'ḿ pissed the fuck off by these fuckers in my English class. I'm also pretty bored. Pissed and bored is a fun combonation. My music isn't helping the mood. I just wanna destroy some shit. I'm about to lose my fucking mind. I'll continue later because I can't be doing this shit right now. Sometimes I feel like the ring leader of a circus. I'll be back.
On another note, its been five months since I started the website! Hurray!! That English class really is messing with me for no fucking reason. I gotta let it go. I'm back in economics which is much nicer. I've been thinking about overhauling the website and doing something different, but I can't think of what to do with it. The e

-Jemma

1/28/2024

Hi internet. Yesterday I was too busy to do a blog post, as I had work and I had to do my laundry and my girlfriend came over and we watched My Neighbor Totoro (which I love). Today, I don't have to work! Hurray! I did have church, but now I'm just chillin. I am going to go see Migration later because it seems like a nice little kids movie and then I am going to hang out with my girlfriend again! Also, went to the mall on Friday and that was super fun. I got a shit ton of teriyaki chicken, it was fuckin crazy. It was really cheap too! Me and my girlfriend also got matching necklaces!! Today I've been expirimenting with slide guitar again because yesterday I was listening to Elmore James and learning about resonator guitars at work. I thought about maybe buying a resonator guitar, but that would be a lot of money and I don't know if it would be worth it when I can just open tune my electric guitar and turn the distortion up a bit and put a little echoey type shit on it. You can tell I don't know shit about guitar effects. This morning I also was playing tomodachi life, which I havent been doing as much lately because things got really busy in exam weeks. I also got to read! I'm hoping to get back into things I like and not stress out now that exams are over. I think I've also decided I might not do any more dual enrollment. I've already done more than a semester of college credits in highschool and I think I need to give myself a bit of a break in senior year. Alright, thats gonna wrap up the blog for today, and I hope to see you all tomorrow!

-Jemma

1/27/2024 Missed

1/26/2024

Hello internet, its Jemma coming at you from first hour AP Lit and holy shit the annoying people are still in my class. Oh well, oh well. Today I'm going to the mall!! I'm super excited!! Lets see, what else do I have to say. Atleast I'm not in gym class. I have things to do today, like college. I wish school was normal and not early college. Oh well. Anyways, I might continue this blog later. I don't know. Bye!
Okay, turns out I am continuing the blog and I am back in my new third hour Economics. Not much going on, might have to do some weird shit so I can paint a piece I'm working on. I've got a weird sense of dread going on in my head. I feel like something is going to go wrong with my running around everywhere. It'll be fine, but I just have a bad feeling about it. Whatever. Lets jump to the music section.

I've been listening to Jerry Lee Lewis, The Reverend Horton Heat, Little Richard, and James Brown. Alright, lets call it good for real now. I'll see you all soon!

-Jemma

1/25/2024

New semester new me! Or whatever the fuck it is. Its Jemma, hello internet. I've got a new schedule, which means new schedules and new teachers and new friends and new subjects and all sorts of things. I'm interested to see what happens this semester. Right now I'm in my new third hour, Economics. I don't know anybody in here super well, but its all good. Get to know new people, thats always a bonus. Right wnow we're watching the news, which I don't mind. Its a little stress inducing, but its good to know things. My stress has just been really bad, but I need to slow down and look at it like this: theres no pressure. We're just chillin. Nothing is the end of the world. I recognize faces around me in this class, but not necesarilly in familiarity. More in passnig by. I've seen faces with these shapes and colors, geometric and organic, placements and other things. Oohhh, I feel like theres something I've got to talk about thats interesting. Wait, okay, nevermind, it was just stuff from... uhhh... oh yeah, sociology yesterday. This class should be easy, I'm not too worried. If anything, it might be interesting and have applications for myself. Alright, I'm gonna jump to the music section now.

Today I was just listening to The Reverend Horton Heat and Geto Boys. Earlier this morning I was listening to A Tribe Called Quest and Salt-N-Pepa. Thats about all today, I'll see you all tomorrow web. Byeee!

-Jemma

1/24/2024

I literally need to chill the fuck out.
I just want to fastforward out of here or some shit. I had my interview for my job and now I'm freaking the fuck out. I'm extremely stressed out and feel awful and I need to get out. I don't know whats going on. The urge to just quit both my jobs and drop out of classes and delete the website is strong. Sometimes I wonder. I could just drive away. Drive to some city, catch a train, and leave. I could just be gone. I could go out to Colorado and stay out west, get an undocumented job or something. Be an uber driver? I don't know. I just feel really stressed out. Theres just this looming uncertainty thats eating me from the inside. An inescapable dread. I can't do anything about it. I need to go to fucking therapy.

-Jemma

1/23/2024

Today I am just tired and have nothing to say.

-Jemma

1/22/2024

Well, I did it internet, I finished Anatomy class. With a good grade? Helllll nahhh! Just took the exam and there is no way in hell that I did good on that shit. I did it strategically, doing just the questions I knew the answers to first, and by the time I got through the about 106 questions half the test was empty. Finished with best guesses and ten minutes left, but now I never have to go back here. I'm hoping my grade is fine, and I ran the calculations that even if I got like a 60 (a failing grade) on this exam I'll still get a B in the class, which is good. I don't need to worry about that. I'll still probably have a good enough GPA to get into the college I want to. I'll probably have to cut this blog a little for now, until seminar in a minute, but I'm gonna keep goin until I can't. I just need to look at the bright side of things. It doesn't matter what I got on the exam now, or how I did in the class, or anything. I can't change it, it's done. I'm not gonna fail out of highschool because of this too. I don't even know for certain whats up. I might have done fine! I studied last night and days before as much as I could handle (which wasn't too much, but I think my mental health at the time was more important than slaving away for an A in the class). If anything, I did better than I've been doing in this class. I probably didn't fail it. Either way, as I was saying I don't need to worry about it. Don't worry about shit you can't change! Thats what I gotta do. Right? If I can't do shit about something right now there's no point in worrying. That worry energy could instead be used to do things that I can do right now, and not worry about things that I can't do right now. I think going to gym class today will help with my nerves about exams. Work some of that neervous energy out lifting. I might ask my spotting partner if he would want to keep lifting together outside of school. I don't particularly like lifting, and I don't wanna look super buff, but I wanna do it so I'm healthy. Gotta make up for all the time I'm sitting at this computer typing up the blog and coding, yknow? Sometimes I wish my online girlys lived in the area, but one's in another country and one is states away. It sucks! Shout out to them right now, and shout out to my irl besties! You guys know who you are. Alright, I think I'm gonna start packin up my shit so I'm not late to my next class. I will finish this later!

Alright, just finished my personal finance exam, and I am truly starting to get a stress headache. Whatever. Time to hit the music section. When walking to this class and in my car I was listening to Salt-N-Peppa. Before my Anatomy exam I listened to The Ventures, and today I also listened to Ayesha Erotica, A Tribe Called Quest, and Ice Cube. Alright, I can finally calm down (a bit) after my two most difficult have-to-study-for exams. Now I just have my gym exam. I'm still a little anxiety/stressed out because I've gotta drive to my college class from school today, which I have not done yet because of all the snow days and half days. It'll probably be fine, I'll just ask to leave early. I also have a job interview Wednesday so I can (sort of) escape the evil clutches of the movie theater. I've got fifty minutes left till I'm out of this class, I should probably review for my gym exam, therefore I am going to cut the blog off for now. I will see you all tomorrow! Godspeed!

-Jemma

1/21/2024 Missed

1/20/2024

Its six fifty four in the morning and I'm already up doing homework. I thought this year was going to be different. I have just received an email saying I may come in for an interview at a new job, but I am suddenly paralyzed by fear. Am I all talk? I have not responded to the email for the three days since its been sent although its only been recieved today. I must respond with a date and time for the interview. I must consult my parents to make sure its okay. I must consult my schedule to make sure its okay. I must come up with a million and one things to make it fit the organic shaped hole that the square of work scheduling wants to fit in with all the other awful things. Two jobs at once? I must try, I need to money. If I am to afford college, that is. Do I need college? Statistically yes. I haven't read the statistics myself, but others have told me. Whats the strength of the research? Are we sure its not chance? Yes, yes, of course. That sociology brain of yours is getting far too worked up over too little. What is wrong with you? Have you lost your way? Where is the one that was here meer months ago? Have the stresses of industrial soceity gotten to your head. Industrial- I mean space age- I mean globalization- I mean- whatever is to be called this new era where we're all trapped in these awful plastic boxes, sitting in our rooms to rot. Atleast I'm not in my room, I'm in the living room rotting. How much better is that! I am so much better than those who I claim to be better than for I have a self aware mind set of how awful I am (sarcasm)! I know not what I have done to be here.
In sociology it is believed that we are born into this world and we must learn how to live in its social structures. We learn how to function in it, it does not learn to function with us. If you correctly learn how to do this you are riding with the social wave, or what the majority is doing. An overwhelming feeling by a mass. If you turn against the grain, the strength of the current can be felt. This research is shown by even the founding fathers of sociology who I care now not to name because a quick google search can deliver that information and if you really care you can spend the two seconds to do so. Either way, I think to an extent that part of that is wrong. I do believe the current is strong, and I do believe the world is pre-established before one is born and you must learn how to fence with its customs, but I think there is more to it. What about the feral children? They never only later join into soceity. Okay, I'll admit, you must at some point be educated of the ways to work this world, and in fact its better to learn them quicker. This is the 101. The first course. Next you learn to combat them, a feat of more difficult undertaking and a feat of many different forms. For some this necesisity comes at birth, by having the odds placed against you in an obvious way. In this theory, I believe that it would be one who is destined to be discriminated against in their soceity, usually meaning the entire globe as of our recent globalization. Other than these groups that are destined to be discriminated against due to soceital structures built by our racist sexist ancestors, most non-discriminated against individuals can live in peace just knowing the 101 course knowledge of how to ride with the wave and swim with the current of soceity. This, for most who ride it, is satisfactory (or it seems so, I have no actual data, I only have hypthesee, which is basically what I am writing and this would make a good sociological study). For those that it is not satisfactory, they must take the second course on how to ride against the grain, but in a different way than those who are discriminated against against their will. Of course, all who are discriminated against it is against their will, but for some I believe there is an option in which they don't have to take up riding against the wave. Of course, even being discriminated against could be considered part of the wave, so maybe in fact the whole this is irrelevant and there is a certain trait in an individual's mind that begs for change and begs to ride against the social norm for one reason or another (perhaps to bring change, or just to be different) and these individuals make up the group who takes this second course. This second course is those who are not satisfied with the current, or know there is more to it than the current. Although it can be difficult to fight the strong undertoe, it can also be interesting and lead you to an interesting group. A group that is amalgamated by the commonality of being uncommon with those riding the current. All of this is no new idea, but I feel good typing about it and how I think about it just to put my process out there. I am in no way claiming these ideas are original. Now, I think that the idea of being a person who fights this wave is very popular and therefore has become part of the wave, in esecence claiming that there are poseurs. I am a poseur. I claim to fight the wave, but by calling out some as a poseur I am a poseur. Its very stupid. I think yes there are some people that speak rather than act in a way fighting against the current and some that act more and speak more and some that speak none and act some, but I do not think we are different. We are an amalgamation of individuals who in some way shape or form have something going on with ourselves that is going against the grain of normal. Theres tons of different versions of this, and tons of different groups doing that, but in my youth there is no structure. There is no organization. I am no political leader or activist attempting social change. I am just a girl writing her blog with whatever she would like to type about it, no matter how guilty I feel about it and no matter how much I decide to believe it that is what I am. In the place of where my unsure identity was there is now a hole. A hole that has been shot through me by the loss of structure. I am an anomic in my own mind, whose causation is as implied a seperation from a pattern, even though I was not a huge fan of it. Once a structure is destroyed or changed one can come to miss it- whats the old saying? The grass is greener on the other side of the fence. I think I've gone on a tangent long enough.

This morning I've been listening to Bauhaus as I did my sociology lab. Maybe I'll go study or take a break before I have to leave for work at 11:30. I woke up early so I'd have time, perhaps making me feel less sad if I don't have to go straight to work. Anyways, goodbye!

-Jemma

1/19/2024 Missed

1/18/2024

Alright, I'm taking a brief five minute break from studying to type this blog post up. No snow day today, so thats nice. Getting back in the groove for a second to finish off the semester with exams. New semester starts next Wednesday. Gives me the weekend to review a little bit. Plus my friend has their birthday party thing on Sunday, so that should be fun. Theres plenty to look forward too, I just gotta look for it. I bought some makeup last night and Jesus Christ its expensive. Also went to Barnes and Nobles, which was fun. I like hanging out with my Girlfriend and going places. Something in my mind is telling me I gotta keep moving and going places all the time. Its like a train. A passenger train. You can hear the hitting of the tracks. Its like the rhthym of a Chuck Berry song, is songs feel very train infused in a strange way. Also, I'm thinking about adding on the website a recommended movies, documentaries, and tv shows section. I feel like its necessary for some reason. Alright, lets jump to the music section so I can get back to studying for the Anatomy exam.

As I type this up I'm listening to James Brown, but earlier today I was listening to Dance Hall Crashers, X, Chuck Berry, Chixdiggit!, and The Rentals. Lots of music today because I'm in a studying/getting shit done mood. Theres some people in my art class that just yap and yap and are totally gonna fail the class I feel because they never do work. I like getting things done. I need to get things done. I gotta keep workin. I don't know how they do it. Have they no concern for their future? Its like the song A Message to you Rudy. Gotta stop your messing around. Its time to get that last push through. Its midterm exams. Right now is the time. Work brain needs to be turned on. Also, right now I'm applying for new jobs because I got my hours cut. If you guys have a job recomendation for me or want to commision art or something hit me up. I need the money right now. Anyways, that cuts the time for today. Peace out ~!

-Jemma

1/17/2024

I feel like shit right now, like every January. Its another snowday, exams are postponed, yet I still have my college class. Why can't I just have a normal highschool experience. No early college. Its a great opportunity, and I'm saving lots of money, but is my mental well being reduced only to being worth what money can be saved through these classes? I ask not others, but myself these questions as I do not know the answers. My positive habits and schedules crumble above the shifting plates of my existence. The only force predictable in my life is the unpredictability of the weather. Artificial life cannot be depended on. I feel empty, not in my stomach or mind, but in my heart and soul. I have no clue what has brought me to this state. Maybe its the looming threat of exams that seems to keep inching into the future every time theyre in my range. I studied all yesterday, only for the exams today to be cancelled and thrown into a fog of rescheduling. Perhaps its the parallels with the pandemic that have brought me to feeling like shit. The unpredictability. The natural terror. The rescheduling. I can't handle this. Sometimes I wonder how I'll survive in my own mind. The world is not awful, it is me. I am the cause of my own demise. I've wired my brain to be a high stress ready-to-explode machine, like an electrode. Maybe its my seemingly ever changing sleep schedule that has thrown me into melodramatic panic. I'll never know the answer, by the time this feeling is gone I will cringe at it and move on.

-Jemma

1/16/2024

Hello internet, its Jemma and I'm freezing my ass off. Its eleven degrees outside. ELEVEN. FARENHEIGHT. I love this weather. Not actually, I wish the roads weren't snowed over so I could drive places or see my girlfriend. Oh well. It was not a snow day today, contrary to what everyone thought. My theory is that because exams start tomorrow we were doomed to have school anyways. As far as exms go, I think I'm pretty ready. I gotta finish the study guides, but that shouldn't be too bad. Tomorrow I just have my English exam so thats no big deal. Last day with the people in the class hopefully. Welp, I think I'm gonna continue this blog post later, right now I believe I have business to take care of.

-Jemma

1/15/2024

Hi internet, I feel kinda weird. Like anyone cares though. Sometimes I wonder why I do these blog posts. What good is it for me, or the greater internet. Just more stuff floating around. More information to fodder the machine. More fuel for AI to generate new things. Whats the point? I'm not really sure. I feel weird cuz I just ate some skittles. Processed sugars just make me feel weird I guess. Thats why I have to limit myself. God, I sound like a boring grown up. Probably gonna cut this blog post pretty short, but I will say we had a snow day today, so that was cool. My English teacher did assign another timed essay today (boooo) and I did have my college class, but it was fine altogether. My textbook finally arived, so I'm trying to figure out what I have to read out of it today. Okay, now I'm gonna cut the blog post because I have other things to do and nobody is making it a required thing that I create a music section. I've been listening to Descendents and two tone ska. There, thats a music section. Okay, goodbye.

-Jemma

1/14/2024

This morning I feel fine because I woke up and got straight to work on my AP Lit project. I'm getting this done. I have two little 400 word essay type things to write and then I have to complete the essay. I'm right in the middle of it right now but I'm taking a minute break or so. Its all over One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I fully recomend this book, even though its kind of sad. It is good to get the understanding of how old mental hospitals worked. Its nuts how they used lobotomys and that shit. I fear the fate of old McMurphy. I'm not entirely proud of any of the writing I've done for this book quite yet (we still have a timed essay for it on Monday), but its good enough for me. I understand what happened in the book and what its about. I understand a decent bit of the symbolism. I do think I'm gonna watch a couple videos on it and maybe watch the movie though for further understanding. My goal is to finish writing up these little essay things before Church and then after Church I'll do the one pager, which shouldn't be so hard. Anyways, I'm gonna have that conclude my break and the blog and get back to work. See you all tomorrow!

-Jemma

1/13/2024

Welp, we're out here feeling like shit again. If Elvis' live cover of Suspicious Minds doesn't get the fuck out of my head I'm gonna lose my shit. Like, I'm losing it. I'm beginning to grow resentment for this song and for Elvis again. He is, in fact, an awful person. I feel like I may be moving into a new era lowkey. Atleast some new music is required. I need to quit it with the country and the Elvis. I need something else, but its not punk. Its something else for sure. Like, punk is great but I'm beginning to grow sick of Descendents. Their whining just isn't doing it for me. My stomach kinda feels gross too. I just got out of a six hour shift at work. They're scaling back hours and I'm scared. I'm scared I might have to cut back a little bit. Scared I need to apply elsewhere. I feel bad. Not good for sure. Maybe its the grim ending of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Maybe its the looming aura of final projects. Final exams. Final days in the classes I'm in. I'm ready for a fresh start, or am I? Am I scared of new things? Am I? Balance is upset, the winter break knocked me off my feet and returning to school has thrown me into the depression of the time before. It is a new year but I make the same mistakes. Im making progress but I feel like shit, not because of the progress. I feel energyless. I need to eat less sugar. I need more fruit and vegetables. And water. I need to drink some water. But my stomach doesn''t feel good enough too. My stomach doesn't feel good enough to be awake. It is 10:12 anyways. I can go to bed. But I just got home from work. Going to bed straight away from being at work is the worst. The late night movie theater shifts are awful. I need to apply elsewhere. I need to leave the awful memories and tears behind me.

-Jemma

1/12/2024

The air of my own home chills my skin. I feel naked. The layers I have on cannot protect me from whatever my body believes I must face. I finished my timed essay, it went fine. It went good enough. Snow days make me feel disjointed. Its wrong. It feels wrong. Tomorrow I will have to work.

-Jemma

1/11/2024

No snow day today, just academic stress. I'm gonna start by listing out what I gotta do for this semester and when for peace of mind.

• Finish reading One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
• Finish the project due with that by Monday morning
• Refresh on Great Expectations for timed essay done at home tomorrow 10am to 4pm
• Study for Anatomy and Personal Finance Exams

Alright, thats my list of things I have to do. I have like 70 pages of that book left, and I wanna finish it by Saturday so I can do the project Sunday meaning that I have to read about 25 pages each day till Saturday. Okay, just figured out if we have a snowday tomorrow I also have a timed essay to do at home. This is fine, I'm gonna add it to the list. Okay, that makes things easier(?) I guess. Lets see... All I can think about is academic shit. I need to get this out of my head. Right now all I can do is be in school. Thats it. I could try and read my book, but thats no use. I'll just read my 25 pages every day and do the project Sunday. Wait, I gotta figure out my work schedule too. Sorry, this blog post is gonna be hella boring, just me stressing out about school. It will get better after the exam week is done. Which is next year. No, next week. I'll probably add more to the blog later, I just need to do something else right now so I'm not stressing out as much.

Okay, back at it and I'm in art class. Just finished a piece. Its not bad. I need to flatten it. Uhhh... Actually letes hit the music section. I am actively listening to Bauhaus. This morning I was listening to Descendents and Jerry Lee Lewis. The world feels like its distorted by drugs and things haven't been normal since before my time. Bye now.

-Jemma

1/10/2024

Goodmorning internet, its Jemma, and I've got a snow day today! No school except my college class, but thats only fifty minutes and in the afternoon. I really should do some school work later today. Thats what I am going to do after I get home from college. I've got some stuff I'm gonna try and get out of my car, and then I'll work on finishing reading One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Then I can work on my assignment with the book later this week. I don't feel like being on the internet right now, so I'm gonna cut the blog here for today. If you're affected by it, have fun with the Winter weather. Peace out!

-Jemma

1/9/2024

Hello hello internet, its Jemma again coming to you with another blog post. Sometimes I can't believe that I've been writing this blog sincce November. Like, thats a hella long time ago but it does feel like yesterday. It feels like yesterday since me and my girlriend starting dating, but its really almost been eight months. Time is a weird thing. One second it feels like the semester will never end, we go on break, it flies by, and now we're in the panic of exams. I'm really panicking about my quarterly novel and Great Expectations essay. I fucking hated that book, truly an awful piece of literature, atleast to my modern eyes. Its not a bad book, I just don't like it as an assignment. I forgot how much I hate this class. Its not the class, its the people. They're so annoying some of them. Buncha lying, cheating, theater kids. Really can't stand them, its too bad I may have to spend another semester with them. Only a year more in highchool and I'm free from this place. Its really not the place I hate, its the people. In numerous classes I dread nearing due to the awful prescense of others. I cannot stand it. Anyways, this morning I woke up extremely tired. It was one of those wakeups where I stumbled out of bed and to the shower half asleep. The water could not even bring me out of this state. My girlfriend, on the other hand, was up at five. Pretty crazy.
An update on my life, the college class was not too bad. It looks like it may get difficult.
Metalic and distorted voices and songs creep into my ears through my headphones, like a communist spy reaching into the heart of democracy, preparing to undermine everything that is. Their weapons, powerless without it, is anxiety of failure in an intensive setting. It stabs and wounds what confidence never was. Desperately I bleed out onto the floors of my mind, not loosing blood, but what little status I believed I had. What little status I never believed myself to have. It is not depression nor disorder, but the powerful syndrome that eats up my brain. That which makes me feel like I am something else entirely from the reality I live in. Around me is a colorful world, and the light of my success surrounding me. Glorious victory over the challenges I have past faced. I am instead captured by the grungey sheet over my eyes, a sheet of grime and dust, mimicking failure. Mimicking it so well, as if it were real. I am sucked out of my delusion, by the screeching voices of my peers, uninvited and disturbing. I could never come to love this place.

Today I've been listening to Country, Bobbie Gentry, The Chats, and Jimmy McGriff. I just got out of art class, and I'm really making good progress on the piece I'm working on. I'm like super hungry and we're not even near lunch yet. Oh well. That about ends the blog for today, see you all tomorrow.

-Jemma

1/8/2024

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... We're back in school and I had a SHIT TON of nightmares last night. This is such a pity. What am I suposed to talk about today. Theres nothing. Just the bleak reality of high school. I'm so exagerative, arent I. Its really not that bad, I just miss staying up till two in the morning playing minecraft and calling my friends while during the day hanging out with my Girlfriend. Instead now I have a college class to take care of. A new college class. And exams. Five to be precise. Gym, Art, English, Personal Finance, and Anatomy. I'm gonna rank them from hardest to easiest just because. Mainly for my own benefit.

1. Anatomy
2. English
3. Personal Finance
4. Gym
5. Art

So theres that. You can probably guess why each is placed where they are. I don't even know if we'll have an exam for Art. I do know that those top two exams are gonna be BITCHES. Like, no, not happening. Sometimes I wonder if I am ruining future opportunities by just dumping all my feelings and thoughts on the internet. Probably not.. I'm going into an art career, I should be fine. Right? Thats a thing. Uhhhhh... what else. Theres other things I have to say but I really can't think of anything. Its the morning, I'll probably have more to say tomorrow. Just worried about my college class.

This morning I've been listening to Short Music for Short People and Prison Affair. You can tell I'm all hopped up with energy and anxiety. So much fucking anxiety. Anyways, bye bye now.

-Jemma

1/7/2024

Hello internet, today I was super busy, but I'm taking the night to chill so its okay. I basically worked an eight hour shift, three and a half being volunteer work though so it was not too bad. I met a bunch of cool people, and I got Popeyes from my parents. Definitely my favorite fast food chicken. I really don't have much to say today, but the music section will be pretty cool. Two things though: First off, I figured out how to make gay people exist in Tomodachi Life with this save editor. Its pretty neat actually. I'm not sure how well it works so far, but it made it so I can date my girlfriend without making one of our genders wrong. I'm not sure if it will allow the miis to do romancey stuff, but maybe I could use the editor to get them to. Im really not sure, I still have to test it a bunch. Second, I am not excited to go back to school from break tomorrow. Exams are gonna be the week after next week, meaning I have to go on the grind of studying as well as starting my new college class on Monday which means downtown parking. However, I may just be going down an anxiety spiral and need to stop that. Its gonna be alright, just another week of school. Just another week, of school. Alright, I think I'm gonna jump to the music section now.

I am actively listening to Bauhaus. Earlier at work I was listening to Tina Turner, John Lee Hooker, and Elmore James. While I was calling my friend I was listening to The Chats. I'm really trying to listen to more Gothic (non depressing) music, other than what I already have like Bauhaus and Siouxie and the Banshees. Along with The Cure occasionally. Idk, goth music can be kinda hard for me because I have not yet found enough of it that is upbeat. If you guys have any answers to this or any music recomendations, send them my way. I haven't gotten an email for the website yet, but soon perhaps. Right now its just discord. Anyways, that wraps things up for this Winter break and tomorrow I will start the first days of school in 2024. The long, dreary stretch till the next break (that being the one of the Spring). Have fun in reality.

-Jemma

1/6/2024

Getting home from work today I have gone to make my bed, but alas, I have stopped to type up the blog post because I HAVE THINGS TO SAY. I went to the antique store near my work on my break and I found The Venture's Walk Don't Run album for only five dollars! FIVE DOLLARS! You can tell I'm excited about that, can't you? I went up to the register and the old man was very nice, he went," I used to listen to The Ventures. Get Wind Of Surfing! (that was one of their albums!)" I like the old man that works there. I can tell that he is cool with me always being in there because I buy cool music that he vibes with. The old lady who works there, on the other hand, is not so much a fan of me. Once I was strolling around and she went,"Its that girl thats always in here but never buys anything >:(" Now I buy things, so thats all good. For a while I didn't because I did not yet have a record player at the time. Thats also before I even had a job. You can tell its been a while, that was back at the start of highschool. Oh man, I was gonna say something else... Oh yeah, word of the day is Quam. If you wanna seem cool to the kids at school, when they're beefin about some shit you gotta say,"Well listen here, I just don't give a quam! I really don't!" They'll surely leave you alone. (For any of my more clueless readers, do NOT do that, you will get bullied. Quam is a cool word but I would hate to do any harm to a reader of my blog)! What else do I have to say. Its the evening and I am listening to The Ventures, calmly in my room writing my blog. What could be better! I supose I ought to make my bed, but I like the motion and energy that the unmadeness is currently adding to my room. It won't so much in a minute as its untidyness ages, then it will in my head become a sign of failure. A sign of undoneness uninvited. For that sake, I best move on to the music section so I may carry on with the making of my bed. REMINDER TO MYSELF: WRITE THE DAILY COMIC (I have not yet).

Today at work I listened to a lot of music such as The Ventures, Funkadelic, Johnny Cash, Pokemon Music, Bauhaus, and Jerry Lee Lewis. On the car ride home I listened to Calamine. Well, that just about wraps up the blog post today. I best get to making that comic, and my bed as well. Idk, I had to pause it all to get my thoughts down well I had em (or atleast good ones). I'll be back, same Jemma-time, same Jemma-channel!

-Jemma

1/5/2024

Hello internet, its Jemma. Right now I am debating things in my head. What will I do today before I go to the doctor? Who gets to decide whether one is a goth or punk or not? What am I going to do for my daily comic? I may do something kind of like Stan Sakai's Usagi Yojimbo (if you have not read it, I highly recomend it, its about a rabbit samurai in feudal Japan). I supose rather than debating I am pondering. Pondering questions looming in my head. Today Im gonna get a mirror for my room (finally). One of those ones you lean against the wall. It should be pretty cheap, so I'm happy about that. I'm also thankful I don't have to work today.
In other news, I started playing Pokemon Black 2 and White 2 with my girlfriend! He is playing Black 2 and I am playing White 2. I chose Snivy and named it Skinny, they chose Tepig and named it Fat. Its gonna be fun, every time we get to a gym we're gonna battle (because I'm fun like that). Also, I updated the Tomodachi Life page. Not a ton has happened (that I have photos of), but its up there. Last night I called some of my friends and it was pretty fun. I was surfing the Neocities web, stealing blinkies and buttons, while they played minecraft and just messed around and were drawing. I find it hard to draw while other people are sometimes. Sometimes, that is. In other cases, its not a big deal to me. It just takes a bit to warm up to.

Right now I am listening to Tina Turner. She is all I've listened to this morning to far because my day has pretty much just started (other than reading Usagi Yojimbo, playing Tomodachi Life, and doing the dishes). Anyways, (I need to find similes of anyways, I feel like I use it a lot) I think that wraps up the blog post for today. You all have a happy Friday, I'll probably see you all Saturday unless I'm too busy or too tired after work. Peace!

P.S. I added a ton to the Gallery!

-Jemma

1/4/2024

Goodmorning again, internet (hey, I spelled it right this morning)! I'm a little bummed out this morning cuz I gotta go to work at three(?), but yk, as is life. I'm also still stressed out about my new college class I'm going to be starting. Again, as is life and I need to not worry about it until I actually have to deal with it. On the bright side, as soon as we get back to school its gonna be near midterm exams and then the semester will be over. That means new classes, new schedules, new friends, and the return of old friends into my life at school. I like to think about school like its a tv show and each semester and summer is a season. I've even got soundtracks made for them. Maybe I'll release those on the website at some point. Back on track though, each semester and summer is a season and some characters come and go. Honestly, as far as school goes, theres only been a couple consistent characters. Probably two, and theyre my besties. I think we're on like season seven or something. I genuinely have no clue. Okay, before I start wrapping up this blog I gotta remind myself I gotta do my daily comic at some point today. Perhaps I'll make it at work. I'm also gonna double check when I work. Okay, I still work at three, thats all I gotta know. Lets see, I feel like I was gonna say something..

This morning I've been listening to my On Repeat playlist and Eddie Bo. Well, I'm gonna be on my way to my girlfriend's house now. I'll see you all later!

P.S. My girlfriend bought me heels!! I'm literally so excited :D

-Jemma

1/3/2024

Goodmonrning internet, I am hella tired. I stayed up a little too late calling my friend and making playlists lol. It was super fun tho. I can only imagine how they feel tho, they had to wake up at like seven or something. Anyways, I am off to the mall today (because its that time of the month). Probably not gonna get anything crazy. I am, in fact, working on buying a mirror though. I even convinced my parents to possibly buy it for me! Not any special mirror, just a regular old mirror because I need one for my room. Also, last night I scored two free CDs; Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge and Short Music for Short People. I was just sifting through the 25 cent CDs at the local tech resale / music store (its not really a music store, its hard to explain) and I found the two. It was an incredibly good find! They even let me have it for free because fifty cents isn't worth it to them apparently. I pull that trick a lot, where I go in and find the cheapest things I can buy (such as tapes or cheap cds) and then try and buy them and then they let me have them for free. I even used to get free good records like this. I also do free vinyl though from them sometimes because I asked what they do with all the vinyl that doesnt sell and they said they throw it away and I said Id take it off their hands to make record bowls and to listen to. I just happen to know the right people at the right places. To be honest, I have spent a ton of money there before before I started pirating video games for my ds and the wii. And on the topic of games. I am still not sure what game to get on the switch with the giftcard I got for Christmas. If yall have any ideas, hit me up. I know I've been skipping the music section on the blog a lot lately, but that is because Ive been doing these right when I wake up lately. The music section will most likely return once I go back to school again. Anyways, thats all for the blog today. See you all tomorrow!

-Jemma

1/2/2024

Alright, today's blog post is gonna be a quick one because I wanna go shower in a minute. Main topic of conversation: why does Jughead Jones hate women!? I just finished reading an old Archie comic, and throughout the whole thing Jughead prides himself on how much he hates women!? Like, seriously, why? I did notice though, that he hates Betty less over Veronica, mostly becaues Ronnie is a stuck up rich kid while Betty is more normal (or as described in the comics) Tomboyish. Now, if you're reading this blog in 2024, you've probably never read the 1970s Archie comics, so all this is like, whatever. Probably only know Riverdale. To be honest, I never want to watch Riverdale. They took Jughead's crown away! Jughead is just overall an interesting character to me. So many questions to be asked. Why is his name Jughead? How does he know how to operate the fancy 1970s computers, theres no way he owned one? And, my most driving question of all,

why does he hate women? He sort of reminds me of a co-worker of mine.
Anyways, all Archie ranting aside, I finished my comic of the day (for the most part) and it is kind of a mock up version of an Archie comic as practice. I could add more detail to it, but we'll see how much time today. I'm going to Barnes and Nobles with my Girlfriend and then I think my family wants to do something tonight after dinner(?) Anyways, hope to see you all tomorrow, have a great Tuesday!!

-Jemma

1/1/2024

Look at the date. Its 2024! Its so weird to see that four instead of three. I liked the three, and now its flipped to a new number. I supose I'll learn to like this one. I hope you all had a good night and arent too hung over lol. And here I am, back on the neocities partying with my almost dying laptop. Its a vibe. I'm workin on workin on things this year. Like, I'm doing the comic thing, but I wanna do something else too. I might try and not over work myself as much this year, but it seems like now would be a bad time to start that. Especially with starting my new college class next Monday. I want to work on setting boundaries I guess, but thats just cuz its what my therapist says I need to do. Who knows, this new year might be full of new opportunities and things I could never see coming now. I know that a year ago I would have never thought this is where I'd be. Last new year was cool, but it definitely wasn't as fun as this one. I would have never thought I would have a girlfriend, or this cool website, or a job, or a car right now last year. Theres been lots of suprises, and I'm sure there will be lots this year too. Especially with college coming up and my last year of highschool. Its crazy, I have no clue whats gonna happen. I'd much rather think about the present day than the future. Thats the challenge with the new year thing. Building a skyscrapers of expectations in your head only for them to get knocked down by not focussing on the reality at hand. Not saying that New Year's resolutions are bullshit, but more that the only way to accomplish them is to tackle them head on day by day. Day by day, just like I've been running this blog. Its okay to make mistakes, its okay to miss days, its okay to take two steps back or a break, because anything and everything is progress to a different goal or skill. Nothing is a waste. With that, I hope you all enjoy the first day of a fresh (?) start. See you January second!

-Jemma

12/31/2023

Almost ready, almost there, almost to 2014! Just kidding, its almost 2024. I feel like I haven't been keeping you guys updated on things lately and the blog posts have been really random, so its updates time. First off, the Tomodachi Life island is still going. A baby was born, the baby grew up, I will be posting about it on the Tomodachi Life page at some point. Second off, I did not end up buying those heels, because theyre too tall and I will totally eat the ground if I wear them, but the good news is that my badass girlfriend said she would buy me heels! Other updates, I'm still on break, and am going back to school on the eighth, so I still got time. I've been partying, coding, going to the library, and other stuff. I also created the Pokemon page yesterday that has a lot of my old pokemon teams on it. And speaking of video games, I'm thinking about buying a new Nintendo game. I might buy Pokemon Snap or Advance Wars Reboot Camp, but I'm not sure. Or maybe Super Mario RPG. Or I might wait till the Princess Peach game or next pokemon game comes out. If any of yall have played any of these games, or have any opinions, hit me up on the discord server, I have no clue. What other updates do I have... oh yeah! I am going to leave my shift early today I decided, probably around six. Just thought I would wrap up all these loose ends before the new year. New year new shit that you guys get to listen to me bitch about. Also, in the new year I am starting this comic project thing where I try to make one (atleast four panel) comic strip every day in order to practice. I even bought a little sketch book designated to it. Alright, thats enough for now, lets get to the music.

This morning I listened to Tyler the Creator and Chuck Berry. I might buy a Tyler the Creator album on vinyl bc my grandma gave me a barnes and noble gift card for christmas. We'll see. Anyways, that wraps up the blog for this year. No more posts in 2023. Its kinda weird to think about. I am so not ready for 2024, it seems like such a strange concept. Such a strange future. Like, with jetpacks and flying cars. I will see you all next year. Have a fun night!

-Jemma

12/30/2023

Hey internet! I forgot to blog yesterday because I was busy with Christmas partying and hanging out with my Girlfriend. Funny enough, yesterday was the third month of the blogs existence. Pretty cool methinks. Theres of course missing days (like yesterday) but this is the longest I've ever held one website going. I feel like I've actually been able to commit to this, especially with the positive and fun community of Neocities. I feel like I've somewhat made a name for myself. I've befriended other bloggers, joined webrings, and even got my blinkie on someone elses website; that being Geekula's website. Her website is one of the sites that really inspired me when I began this web journey, and I'm so excited that she would honor me with being on her website! Its so cool how you can make the internet what you want it to be. It can either be a polarizing void of discord and warring, or it can become a safe place. A place of friends. A place of safety and comfort from the world around you.

This morning I've been listening to Tyler the Creator. Thank you all for sticking with me for these three months of blogging, stay tuned for more Jemma! Same Jem time, same Jem channel.

-Jemma

12/29/2023 Missed

12/28/2023

Well, its been a good winter break. Goodbye I guess. Today I have to work, and even though I have off from school I'm not counting that as a break. Work sucks, I hate my job. I'm probably gonna look for a new one as soon as possible. I wish I chose to take off the entire winter break, but then I would be short on money. Oh God, I just checked my email. I made an offer on some heels I saw on Depop, I didn't think they would accept it, seeing as when I bought my dress they kept on declining my offers. Well, they did. I'm debating on a few things, its time for a new list. I could either:

1. Buy the shoes at this price (I gotta check my bank account first, theyre like 35$)
2. Wait till the offer expires and make a lower offer (the lowest offer I could make is 21$ which with shipping is like 32$)
3. Or not buy them and wear my normal shoes to the dance in Febuary

Anyways, I'm in no rush to figure it out. I have 24 hours ish (a little less I think) and I still need to check my bank account and go to work. Maybe I could pick up an extra shift to pay for them or something. I'll put a picture of the heels on here just to get you guys opinion. I guess if you have an opinion hit me up on Discord or on the Guestbook or something. Anyways, thats probably gonna cut the blog for today, because I haven't listened to any music today. I just woke up and played some Tomodachi Life so far. I'll see you all Friday (probably)!

-Jemma

12/27/2023

Hello internet. Today I feel a little shitty because I fucked up my work schedule and now I have to work till 8:30 on New Year's Eve. Things got really confusing because plans kept shifting and somewhere in there my work schedule got screwed. Anyways, its like not a big deal because I'll only be a few hours late to hanging out with people, but I would rather it not be like that. I have a few options:

1. I could get someone to take my shift (I asked on the work groupchat but I doubt anyone will be able to take it)
2. I could call in and just not go to the shift (this would be fine but I'd feel bad for ditching my co-workers)
3. I could just leave my shift a bit early (this is probably what I will end up doing

Hopefully its not a big deal however it ends up going, and I just need to put it behind me and not let it stress me out. Anyways, its been a few days since Christmas. I don't really have any plans for today other than probably hanging out with my girlfriend. I kind of want to go to the library if they are open since I have not been there in a bit and have a bunch of overdue books. I also want to read a bunch today and maybe draw a bit. I was reading Brandon Graham's Royalboiler art collection / comic. Its really good, Brandon Graham is my favorite comic artist. I really love his art style, and he has a really interesting background. He never went to art school, so I guess his art is technically "outsider" art. He got his first comic published at the age of nineteen (something I hope to accomplish myself). I have self published a few comics in my day and have a few comics in local stores, but getting my comics actually published legitimately would be awesome. I actually emailed him a few days ago asking a bunch of questions (because I am annoying). Anyways, then he made his money off doing porn comics, which you can definitely tell in his style. Its so interesting though, because even though he did these porno comics in his career, his art style is still super detailed and unique. Like, yea, a lot of his characters look like theyre from porn comics, but also he does these really advanced city scapes and complex detailed references in everything he does. I aspire to be like him someday, he's the definition of success for me (not that I want to do porn comics, but being able to live off doing projects I find fun). He is also very insightful in the whole process of making comics. I used to follow his patreon on making comics, but I got a little low on money there for a second and had to drop out.

Today I've been listening to Chuck Berry and my Funked Up playlist, which happens to have a cover image made by Brandon Graham. Lets see how much I can talk about him in this blog post without yall getting annoyed lol. I also was listening to some Shitty Ska this morning when I was doing the dishes. Anyways, that just about wraps up today's blog. Tomorrow I have to work, but am hoping I can still get the blog post in. Peace out!

P.S. I am now a part of the WiiRing, a cool little Wii themed webring, check it out on my Tomodachi Life page!

P.S.S. I also updated the About Me page!

-Jemma

12/26/2023

Its always felt weird to me, December 26. Its a strange day. I feel like theres still Christmas spirit left in me, but it is left only to dissolve into January. Or perhaps it becomes excitement for the new year. Its not a bad thing, just a thing itself. This morning I read more of the Eastman and Laird TMNT comic that I got for Christmas. Its pretty good, I feel like it is not known well enough for the massive fan base that TMNT has. Its where it all began! Just a neat little indie self published comic. I also yesterday emailed my favorite comic artist with a bunch of questions about trying to get into comics. Thats what I want to do when I grow up, make comics. Its my passion. I've been doing it since I was a kid. I have one comic that I've succesfully self published and sold in stores, but its aged a bit since I first wrote it and now I am looking for a new comic to put out into the world. I want to make something thats a bit longer, but I have a hard time writing plots. Plot writing is so annoying. I have this one comic that I've been working on the plot for, but once I drew out all the thumbnails of the first issue it came out a bit shorter and different then I would have liked it to. I think I need to figure out what I want it to look like better. I made it look too clean for its own good, while I'd like it to look a little gritty. Theres a place for cleanness in comics, and I supose this is not it. I've also been working on a concept idea of a comic called Dick 'n' Ronnie. It would be a comic about Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon both being president together and being besties. I even just did some sketches for it and I've somewhat got their faces down. The hard part, once again, is coming up with a decent plot. I have the concept, I have the sketches, I just need to tie it all together. Maybe I should look to comics, tv shows, movies, and other things I like and find what I like about those plots and apply it to this. Sometimes I feel I give too much shame to taking blatent inspiration. I feel like I rip things off, while I am making something stylistically completely unique. Anyways, thats the end of that ramble for today

This morning I have been listening to Reagan Youth and Chuck Berry. A strange combo, I know, but its the mood I'm in. Anyways, I hope you all have another great day of hopefully break. Peace!

P.S. I updated the Gallery!

-Jemma

12/25/2023

Merry Christmas

-Jemma

12/24/2023

The lights snake throughout my surroundings like barbed wire. An empty house, in spirit. I live and breath delusion, not knowing what to think see or do. Nothing can be done, nothing is in my control except my own actions and (sometimes) thoughts. Sometimes. I want to drive. Drive far, drive fast. Will I come back? Everything is closed, I am left with nowhere to go but my own infected origin point. The very place I love feels foreign, killed with the bacteria by the sickly lemony smelling disinfectant sprayed carelessly around in attempts to protect what is already lost. There is nothing to be fixed or done, as it is already over. Five days I must go on until normality, and seven till a so called fresh start. New promises to myself, none of which I'll be able to keep. It doesn't end with a bang or a whimper, instead a line and a plus. On Thursday I return to the building of my literal nightmares. I will stay for seven hours and then return to this place. This place where I freeze in attempt to protect my body for no purpose at all. I have no control over the world around me, or within me. I can't control my body and have no restraint to control my mood. I am a sickly brain trapped inside an ever mutating wrapping of flesh and dirt. Inside me an acid that I can barely contain myself, as I feel it slip up my throat. I use my body to move through a life it is not adapted for. I dry my eyes staring into the capturing void of millions of pixels. Squares creating an unreal reality. A place that comforts me when I am in distress, but kills me when I awake from it. It offers me information cannot handle and access I should be denied.

-Jemma

12/23/2023

Hello, its Jemma, and I am on the phone with the Nintendo help line. Yup. Its gonna take a while. I have to change the birthday on my nintendo account so I can link it to my ds and ofc they had to make it difficult lol. I could have avoided this if I knew what I was doing, but my Nintendo ID account is so old and was set up by my parents when i got my 2ds in like fourth grade so its a little jacked up. Thats alright though, I don't mind waiting on the phone listening to Mario music. Its better than listening to my brother play bass lol. Anyways, I have updated the Tomodachi Life page with music and some new news from the island with a little help from Zaytn, whose website is very cool. He showed me how to set up the music which is super nice, make sure to check out his website. Okay, I just started talking to the guy on the phone and it went alright, I just really hope he got the email right because I couldn't quite figure out if he heard me right and I dont know if I heard him right, but hopefully it went alright. This is my bad, but again, I don't mind waiting on the phone. I like talking on the phone with my headphones rather than with the actual phone or on speaker phone. Its easier because I don't have to hold the actual phone. Alright, I think I'm gonna jump to the music section.

Today, I am not going to link anything because I am on the phone and don't feel like doing work, but basically I've been listening to Descendents' All and I Don't Wanna Grow Up CDs, which I bought last night. Its been a good first day of break, I hope to see you all tomorrow. Have a great day!

P.S. The guy on the Nintendo phone was very nice and it was not as awful as I may have made it out to be in the blog!

-Jemma

12/22/2023

Hello internet, its me, Jemma! My chromebook is almost daed so we're keepin it short today. UGHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh let me go hoommmmmeeeeeee. ITs the last DAY of SCHOOOL before break. LET ME GOOOOO. Okay, end of blog.

-Jemma

12/21/2023

With only four days until Christmas, all seems bright. Not a comforting dim brightness, as of the candle light, that Christmas normally is. A flash. A spurt of electricity shocking one to wake up to the blinding speed of time. It follows with an unchanging time with a new number, to which we expect change.
Its Jemma, and today I will go to the mall! I am so excited!! Also, I have added many things to the website. More articles on the Articles Page as well as a couple cool geocity site links on there, a Guestbook, and a few other random things. Lots of progress has been made since I first started the site, I should probably back it up. I may also do a redesign some time in the near future. Okay, I had to pause writing because of actual school work (i know, right its awful) and now I'm in anatomy. I have a retake for this class next hour and I am so not ready. I was gonna study but then I totally forgot and right now I do not feel like studying for it. Its just not what I want to do. Honestly, my score before was bad, but I'm still at a B+ in the class. No. Big. Deal. I'm just chillin, and thats that. Anyways, lets see if I have anything else to throw into the blog today. Nope, not really, we're just gonna jump to the music section

I just got into listening to All, the remaining members of Descendents. The name is kind of ironic when you think about it, being called All and then missing a member. I almost bought a Descendents CD last night but then I didn't know if my dad already had a copy so I didn't. I would go back today and buy it, but I'm gonna be at the mall, so no. I think it was like five dollars? Aint it cool news. Alright, what else have I been listening to..? I'm back on the Mall Rats soundtrack, as well as Jimmy McGriff and Jack White. Thats about it as of 9:58 on this wintery morning of December. We're almost to Christmas, we can do this. I will see you all tomorrow!

-Jemma

12/20/2023

Hello internet, its Jemma. I'm in art class right now, talking about college and the many plans we all have. The future is uncertain and crazy. I'm gonna bury my head in the sand about it. What next, I've barely gotten far in the blog today and I have no clue what to say. Its like I'm stalling for the bell to ring and free me into the next trap that is a class period. Tonight, I will do nothing. Nothing? I don't know. Yesterday I got home and could not focus on anything. My brain is wired beyond control to run and run and run and never stop. Never stop moving. Never stop working. Pull yourself up. Keep going. Work harder. Expand. Increase. Improve..

Amongst the ever moving gears of my mind depression creeps from the shadows and strikes me down. I lie on the floor and listen to the melancholic poppy sounds flow into my ears. Sounds that others could never take serious or take emotional note of, but that bog me down to the depths of my soul. The remains of an ancient past burned to run the gears together creating the tools necessary to perform the sounds that bring me to weeping. The world rots to aid my suffering, and I amount to nothing amongst it.

This is not all there is. There is more. I can do good. I can feel good. I just need to open the door to my own cage. I hold the key to break the lock. I need to. Who is here to stop me but myself? I have so much here for me, so much as I talk about all the time. At the very least I have a space. Not a real space, but one none the less. A space to release these shiny bubbling emotions. This is my space, I do what I like, and I leave it here for all to observe. Perhaps to criticize, understand, or commit. Perhaps for other reasons. Not to mock. Not to make fun of. This is me being vulnerable with the world, and there is no certainty in what will be returned to me for it.

-Jemma

12/19/2023

Hi everyone, six days till Christmas. Its crazy how fast everything goes. As we get older things go faster because each bit of life we experience is a smaller fraction of your life. For a ten year old, half their life is five years while five years in a fifty year old's life is a smaller ten percent. I'm starting to feel the months flash by with the blink of an eye. Each Christmas seems to stitch itself closer to the next in the callender. I can't stop the uncontrollable flow of time.
None the less, I am excited for Christmas. I'm also super excited to go to the mall with my girlfriend this Thursday, and to try on my dress after school today. So many things to look forward to! Seeing my cousins, playing pokemon cards with my friend (like I did last night). I made a super good deck, maybe I'll make a pokemon card shrine on the website to post all my really good strategies and decks. I swear, I'm decent at pokemon cards although I usually play what I call vanilla (no EX, V, Mega, GX, VMax cards). I figure if you can play with non-rulebox cards, you gain basic deck building and strategy skills that are only boosted once you add in all those special cards. You learn to manipulate the weak to support the strong.
Tonight, I'm not doing much. Maybe a little studying, or playing tomodachi life. I might try and call my online friends if theyre available or willing. We'll see, its a cool Tuesday night. Normally I would've had my college class. Tuesdays used to be a nightmare to me. Now they're a joke. I don't understand why I show up to school, as nothing happens and I see few of my friends. If nothing else I came to school today to finish my latest piece, displaeyed today on the blog and in the Gallery. I think it turned out well. Well enough atleast.

Today I've been listening to Carl Perkins, John Lee Hooker, and X. Hopefully you all have a cool Tuesday internet people, stay strong!

-Jemma

12/18/2023

Good morning internet, its Jemma. I really hope we're not doing anything at school this week. I think we have to do a self portrait though in art. Which is mid, but like whatever. I'm excited its the last week before Christmas break. Oh yeah, by the way, HOLY SHIT MY GIRLFRIEND CROCHETED ME A SYLVEON STUFFED ANIMAL FOR CHRISTMAS AND ITS THE FUCKING BESTS!!!!! I love it so much. Okay, theres a crazy man running our class today because its student led. Like, shits going crazy. Atleast I can like, not do any work. So far so good, we have forty minutes left in class. I honestly don't have much to talk about today. I mean, I went to a sweet Christmas party on Sunday and it was fun. Theres like an extreme political debate going on in my class right now and I'm trying to avoid it. I hate talking about politics. Dude, this is way way way way too political. Shit, I think we have to do work. This sucks. Also, my girlfriend made me this sweet bag, I need to take a picture of it, its so pretty. I can't wait to use it, but I couldn't today because I woke up and didn't feel like wearing a nice outfit that would match with it. I'm just rocking my Mary J Blige shirt. Its cool, we're chillin. Dude, I was so excited that hopefully we would have a snow day. Like, literally both my parents were like totally hyping that it might be, and then we didn't. It was a bad drive to school today, visibility was pretty low. Someone just said I type aggresively.. I supose I have things to say. I hate how Tumblr doesn't work on the school computers. It blocks it as innapropriate sexual content, which is dumb because they don't have pinterest blocked and I am NOT switching to pinterest. Don't get me wrong, pinterest is great, but I love the blogging aspect of Tumblr. I gotta pause the blogging to do school work real quick.
Alright, I'm in Anatomy now. I made good progress in AP art again, and have two pieces pretty close to done. On the down side, I just remembered I have a lab practical in Anatomy. Its fine though, I'm not gonna stress about it because there are retakes and I am confident in my abilities. I also need to remember to go to therapy today. I keep forgetting I have it and I really should remember. I mean, I'm not going for the next few weeks. You guys are probably wondering why I'm telling you all this, and to be real I have no clue. I'm just putting it out there, you're the one choosing to read it.

Today I've been listening to Herman's Hermits and Weezer. Its just been a mood. Anyways, I should probably study a little bit before the quiz. Hope you all have a great snowy Monday, peace out!

-Jemma

12/17/2023

Well, well, well. If it isn't the people of the internet, back reading my blog. Hows it goin lol. Yesterday I was busy working, shopping, and making Christmas cookies. But now I'm back! And I have a super sweet Christmas party to go to. I even get to give my boyfriend her sweet gift today. Honestly, I just woke up and wanted to make sure I did some sort of blog post today, rather than none, so I'll probably cut it pretty short about now. Hope you all have a great Sunday, and I'll probably be back with a bigger blog post tomorrow. Byee!!

P.S. My dress for the dance in a few months finally came!! Okay, bye for real now lol.

-Jemma

12/16/2023 Missed

12/15/2023

Good Morning America! I have so much news today. First off, I finally made the Tomodachi Life Shrine on the website, and it is absolutely sick. QR codes for the miis coming soon. Also, my chromebook is running out of battery so I might have to continue with the blog later lol. Also, I am so excited once again to play the pokemon dlc that just came out. So far its totally not what I expected, but it is still sweet.
Alright, lets keep it going. I'm in third hour now, and I can finally charge my chromebook. I got some good work done on an art piece in AP Art (seen here). I just sketched it out yesterday, and now I'm almost done. I should be able to finish it Tuesday as I still need to paint the background and then glue it on. The background is going to be very inspired by chtl_perrier on instagram. Next on my list of news, one of my epic readers is making their own blog!!! Make sure to check it out, its super sweet. Alright, I was trying to make an email for people to be able to email in to the blog and stuff, but google needed a phone number and I said FUCK NO. I am not giving them that info. So the only way to contact me still remains through Discord on the Jemma server. Im like, hella hungry right now. Can't wait for lunch. I feel like I was gonna add something to the website today.... OH YEAH! I wanna add a border around the container that all this is in. Its gonna be sick, I might do it tonight. I also called one of my close friends last night and had some super good conversations. I wish we couldve talked more, but it was getting late and my mom got upset lol. I've been taking more photos for the Tomodachi Life page as I've been playing through as well. Ok, lets go to the music section.

Right now I'm probably gonna listen to something else, but I've been listening to Gospel all morning. I think I might dip back into listening to Salsa again. It gets me in a good thinking mood. I was only listening to gospel cuz we got into some religious type shit analyzing Great Expectations this morning in English. I think I just read too much into religion. I was also listening to Carl Perkins again this morning. He's pretty chill. Anyways, I'm gonna wrap things up for now. I wish you all a great Friday! I'll try and blog this weekend, but in case I don't, have a cool weekend! Byee!

-Jemma

12/14/2023

Hi internet! Today I am all dressed up in the goth outfit. I swear, I'm a real shitty goth because I barely get dressed up and do all that. Its so much work! But I want to make a good impression at girls who code, so like here we are. I was pretty tired this morning, but we're here. The next hurdle will be changing back after gym class. Maximum effort. I'm excited to get home today, because the new pokemon DLC is out today! This is your warning, there may be spoilers ahead. I'm pretty sure it takes place in the Unova region, so I'm transfering my team from pokemon White (or Black 2, I forget) to pokemon Scarlet so I can play through as if its Unova with my Unova starters. I haven't looked up any spoilers, so I'm pretty excited. I wonder how big the map is! If you can explore all of Unova thatd be crazy. That would also in my conspiratorial mind confirm Johto remakes coming up. Its been a while since I looked at pokemon leaks, so I have no clue! I also forgot to turn off my chromebook yesterday after DND so its almost dead and I'm realizing I should probably cut the blog super short today. Uhh, oh yeah, update on the Tomodachi Life, I took a bunch of screenshots! When I get a chance I am going to upload them to the website and make a page specially for Tomodachi Life with a fully different style sheet for Tomodachi Life vibes. Also I might try and add music to that page. We'll see

This morning I listened to Spotify's Punk Christmas playlist, Weezer, and Descendents. Alright! Thats that today, see you all later!

-Jemma

12/13/2023

My favorite song right now is Coolidge by Descendents. Okay, that was random, but what better way to start the blog. Its been stuck in my head for like three days. Alright, its Jemma, and I have news! The Art Gallery is now up!! There is not much on there yet, but I'm gonna keep adding things soon. I also want to start doing more digital art, I just need ideas of things to make in digital art stuff. Its difficult cuz I don't know where to start. Also, today I start my dnd campaign! Its gonna be super cool. Okay, what else. I'm trying to waste away this class period because I do not wanna be in my English class. This class kinda sucks, I wish I didn't have to take it next semester, so I'll just write and write and write in my silly little blog. I'm actually gonna jump to the music section because I can't think of what else to type.

Today I've been listening to random stuff, and its pretty early in the day so like I haven't listened to much yet. I wish I would have brought my 2ds to school today. I've been on that Tomodachi life grind. I might put some screenshots of that on the blog in the future. Maybe I'll make a section on the website dedicated to my Tomodachi Life play through or something. I've thought about documenting everything that happens in a Tomodachi Life file and making it into a comic. That also would be a lot of work though. Maybe next time I get writers block I'll do that. Alright, I think I'm gonna cut the blog about here because I'm just gonna chill or something. See you all later!

-Jemma

12/12/2023

Another project fucked up. Here we are, back on the internet. I need to get back. I need to not care. I need to let things go. Nothing is the end of the world. Just gotta keep moving. It's Jemma, and I wish it was still Sunday. I wish I was still playing the Wii with my girlfriend. I wish I wasn't at school. I just have to make it through today and it will be Wednesday. Yesterday kind of fell off in a weird way. I couldn't place what day it was. It surely didn't feel entirely like a Monday, and today doesn't entirely feel like a Tuesday. Perhaps a Wednesday. Or a Thursday. I sit at my desk and reflect on past events that have no importance to me. Things that I shouldn't think so hard about. I dressed up today a bit to appear professional. I succeeded, but I don't feel like it. Maybe I ought to listen to some Doo Wop and I'll feel a bit better. Perhaps. I need to focus on class so I don't fail. I'll be back.
Alright, I'm back, and I'm feeling kind of better. I am about to retake that Anatomy test in a little bit, so I am tryin to relax and calm down so I don't fail again. We'll see. I'll tell you one thing, I do NOT want to go to gym class today. I am so done with it. Lifting? Hell nah. Thanks, but no. I gotta think of something to look forward to. There is so much, but I feel like I am in that brain fog I get into at school. There are nine school days left (including today) and eleven days (including today as well) until break! Hurray! Okay, lets jump on in to the music section.

Right now I am listening to Doo Wop. Earlier I was listening to a bunch of random stuff, no particular theme or artist. Alright, I'm gonna cut the blog here for today. Hope you all have a better Tuesday than I'm having lol. Peace out!

-Jemma

12/11/2023

We're so back? Hello internet, its Jemma again. I'm so constantly conflicted. I just type and type and type and work and work and work and go and go and go. I keep moving through the muck of life. But its not like that, its more like floating through the water glowing in the shine of the sun. The beautiful blue water. Aqua, more rather than blue. I sit in class and I think and I think and I think. I stack up things I need to do, but when I recenter my body and let go of the ridged organization I've wasted so much time pressuring my brain into.
Today I have to go back to therapy for the first time in weeks. I don't know if I'm excited or not. Then I have band practice afterwards, and then I'm gonna study to retake the Anatomy practical I failed. When I think about these things so much, it consumes me. I don't want that, so I will stay within the moment. With the words I type out I train myself to be better to myself. Is that what the point of the blog is? Existentialism. I gotta make that art gallery. Perhaps Thursday during seminar I will work on it. I will work on it at some point, but we're looking at being pretty busy till tomorow night. Also, Thursday I am going to girls who code! Its a club at my school for, well... girls, who code! Which is what-
I had to pause my writing of the blog to actually take part in school. BOOO!!! Anyways, as I was saying: Which is what I'm doing right now. Coding. Very basic coding, but it still counts I guess. Uhh, oh yeah. I just started working on a collage in AP Art, and its actually turning out pretty good. All the more reason I need to make an art gallery! Also, that band practice? Our bass player quit cuz she is too busy, so I might teach our singer bass. Our drummer? A mystery. I have no clue whats going on with this but we'll see. Okay, I think I might dive into the music section.

Right now I am listening to Wanda Jackson. Okay, I need to pause to do school again and then I'll finish the blog.
Alright, I'm back. I keep having to split today's blog. Its a bit of a mess. I also had to cancel band practice cuz our drummer couldn't make it. I'm a bit disapointed, but this is fine I guess. I really don't wanna go to therapy tonight. Or I mean, in about an hour. I'm in my last hour of the day, personal finance. I need to focus on good things though. Good things like this Thursday and this Sunday. Sunday is my lovely girlfriend's Christmas party! I think I already told you guys about this Thursday. Yeahhhh, I did, didn't I. Yup. So, I'm gonna get back to writing this music section. I've been listening to Ramones, Carl Perkins, Descendents, and T-Bone Walker. Alright, I'm going to end the blog now so my personal finance teacher doesn't get mad at me. Have a great Monday night!

-Jemma

12/10/2023

Holy shit! Its already the tenth day of December! Welcome back to the blog, its Jemma. I skipped yesterday's post because I was busy at work and having fun with my badass girlfriend. I also bought my dress for the upcoming school dance. Well, upcoming as in its in February. But I'm just being prepared n shit. I'm so excited! I'm also excited for Christmas! Ten school days left until Christmas, and probably twelve ish days until Christmas break (excluding today). Right now, I'm just chillin in my room waiting to go to Church. Anyways, lets jump to the music section.

This morning I was listening to Liam Lynch again, and now I am listening to Mark Cone. Yup, pretty obscure. Anyways, I hope you all have a great Sunday! I'll see you tomorrow at school.

-Jemma

12/9/2023 Missed

12/8/2023

Whatsup. School feels like a joke. I dont know why I'm here. Like, my classes are pretty easy and we're here, and I don't really care right now. I just want to go home. I can't take this seriously. I'm just trying to zone out and pass the time so I can go on with my life. I barely feel like I'm awake. I don't feel bad or good. I don't know. Get me out of here. I wanna play guitar. I wanna have fun. I dont wanna go to work tomorrow. I feeel nothing. I feel my back breaking from the extended pressure I put on it in gym class caving to peer pressure. I feel sounds spinning around as they enter my ears blending into a substance unreadable by my brain. I see thing, but they arent really what I see. Theyre people, not just a vision. People with lives. To be continued.
Anyways, a bunch of time passed between me writing that and now. I legitimately failed an Anatomy practical (I got a fifty five percent). Thankfully it didn't tank my grade and I still have a B+. I am definitely going to do the retake and study more next week. It sucks though because I studied pretty hard for it and I still failed. I also wasn't able to handle the weights today in gym. I feel kind of defeated. The cloud has returned fogging my brain. I did have a really deep conversation with my friend at lunch though. That was nice. I don't know whats up, but I need to stop stressing about things in the future I can't control. I need to focus on NOW. Right NOW. Right now I can work on the website and listen to music and complete my assignments. I hate this class I'm in right now. All these jerks are around me and its a mess because we have a sub. I don't like most of my classes, or just don't like today. I feel, not stuck, but just like I'm floating around in a puddle of mud. Sweating. The sweat from gym class drives me crazy. I need to be done with this class. I need to. I need it to be Christmas break. We have eleven days including today. Once I go home it will be ten school days left till break. Thats eight days in the weight room. Thats ten days of all my other awful classes. I guess they aren't awful, I'm just bitchin on about things. Actually, I've got to be thankful for everything and everyone in my life. I'm so thankful for my family and girlfriend and friends and all the people around me that are sticking with me through this mess. I need to keep being real. I also made a cool new internet friend yesterday, so that was cool. Of course a bunch of idiots decided to congregate right behind where I'm sitting. I feel self conscious, but I need to power through that feeling. I need to power through and keep doing what I'm doing and keep being my genuine self. I need to keep expressing. Self expression is a key point in my life.
I gotta plan out my night. I had to cancel plans to teach my friend guitar because his guitar is in the shop right now getting fixed or something. I think I'll go home and work on my girlfriend's super secret Christmas present. I would tell you all what it is, but I know they read the blog sometimes lol. I wonder if she is the only reader. I apreciate that he reads it though, its cool. But yeah, I'm gonna go home and work on that a bit. Then after dinner I think we are hanging out. I might try and trick my brother into doing band practice again. I guess not trick, but yknow. We started to work on our setlist for this concert we are going to play around March. I know that seems like far away, but I like to be prepared. I wrote like two egg punk songs that we will probably play, then we are doing a couple other covers that I'm gonna keep a secret. I want it to be a suprise to anyone that goes to the show, so in case anyone reads this I'm not spoiling it. At some point I need to move all my photos and files off the cloud and onto a drive. I also need to print a bunch of pictures so I don't lose them in case the internet goes down. Lets jump to the music section.

At the moment I am listening to The Donnas (as usual). I love the Donnas. They are definitely my favorite band of all time. Give them a listen if you never have. I've been listening to them since I was like four. Today I was also listening to BB EYE again, The Dead Milkmen, Liam Lynch again, Blix, and ZZ Hill per every Friday. Anyways, I hope you all have a good Friday, and if I am not able to get to blogging over this weekend, a good weekend as well. Hopefully things will get better in the future.
P.S. I forgot I put it on here earlier, but I finished a piece in AP Art so I thought I would put it on here. All the more reason to make an art gallery on the website. Until next time!

-Jemma

12/7/2023

Just warning, today I might get in to some gross detail of things. I'm not sure if I will, but I figured I might as well put a disclaimer.

Today feels off. It feels like a Wednesday in November. In the fall. An empty fall season without halloween. I feel gross. I keep sweating, and I can't do anything about it. Its awful. I feel sick to my stomach, and hungry. I see a train rumbling down the track I face, coming full speed toward me while I can do nothing to stop it. The train will never hit me, it just looms speeding towards me as I do nothing to stop it. Just sweating and feeling sick. Sick not in the way of an illness. A twisted sickness that my brain has set on me, rather than the germs and bacterias external.
But this isnt it. Theres hope. In twelve days, I'll be free for a little break. I've started to accumulate days I need to take off of work! Earlier when started writing this I felt hopeful. I do not now. We are working on planning our courses for next year, and its scary to me. Itll be my last year of highschool. I'm gonna have to go to college. That scares me. I feel like the weight of the world has been returned to my shoulders. Or atleast the weight of my own future. Im caught up in the foggy nonsense. Theres no controlled option, theres no safe 100% sure way I can go. I just have to trust that the universe will take care of me and do what I can in the moment to ensure my good fate. Theres nothing I can do right now, except plan these courses. I could overload myself with AP and IB courses, but thatd kill me for sure. Ive only got one AP class and a dual enrollment class this year and its been somewhat difficult. Not as difficult as last year though. Last year I overloaded myself with hard courses. I think I need to talk about course planning with my parents tonight. I might get home and bake some muffins. My friend said she ate a muffin this morning and my brain went holy shit I want muffins, so I might bake some. If I get the motivation to. If I still have any remaining energy after school. Gym class is my new burden.
Instead of wallowing in the things I don't like about the rest of the semester. Until January 8 I won't have a sixth hour or college class to worry about. Unless I don't get in to the class, in which case I won't have that class at all. What class? Sorry, I forgot to say. I'm trying to take a sociology class at the local college. It could be cool, I'm not sure what it will be like or if I will even get in. My highschool winter break ends on the fifth of January, so I'll be starting my college class in the first semester of highschool. This whole thing is weird, dual enrollment. I like that it gives me college credit but idk. The closer I get to the end of highschool the more I lose focus of what I'm doing this all for. I feel burned out, like I've put forth my best effort for so long that I have no effort left to give. I just have a drained body and anxious mind. Maybe it'll get better once I'm done with gym class. Maybe I can make it better now. Instead of feeling let down, I can focus on the moment. I can live in the present, where I have to go to gym next hour lol. After lunch, that is. I get to go home after fifth hour atleast. Then I have the night to chill, and thats where I'm gonna leave it. The furthest into the future I'm gonna choose to focus is tonight. Nothing past tonight. Its for my own wellbeing, so I don't stress so much.

Today, I listened to BB EYE, Charlie Brown Christmas, trashy ska, The Donnas, and now I'm listening to my fall playlist. I should really be proud of myself rather than feel dreadful. I've completed all I need to, all that is expected of a highschooler. I have all my credits that I need to graduate easily in the bag. Is that not good enough? Thankyou for taking the time to check, and or read my ramblings today. I will see you all tomorrow.

-Jemma

12/6/2023

With my college class out of the way, I feel a strange void. Theres a weight thats been lifted off my chest. I now how free time that I don't know what to do with. I need to get my shit together is what I need to do. Ok, heres what I'll do with the time:

• Clean my room
• Clean my car
• Catch up on my reading for English
• Work on my comic

We'll see if I do any of that. I definitely want to clean my car first, thats the top priority. Then I'll clean my room. Make my bed maybe. I haven't been making my bed lately. Maybe with my college class out of the way I'll have more time to. I will say, I'm glad to be done with the class but I'm gonna miss driving to the city. Also, I need to make an art gallery on the website. I've now started doing digital art, and I have other art I can put on here. Okay, what else. I got distracted talking about bikers on the road. Oh yeah, today I'm gonna see Godzilla Minus One. Anyways, lets jump to the music section.

Today I've just been listening to Operation Ivy. Like, thats it. Its going pretty crazzy though. My friend was like "Dude, I can hear your music from your headphones!" Im just fun like that. Anyways, I'll see you all tomorrow! Byeee!!!

-Jemma

12/5/2023

Hello hello internet. We are vibing today, I'm absolutely chillin. Oh no, here comes someone I don't like in class. Whatever, its all good. Today is my last day of the college semester. Thank GOD!! I'm excited to be done! I even got an A in the class! Yesterday I went to our local shit used CD, Vinyl, Video game, technolegy resale store thing and I bought a Hall and Oates and a Michael Jackson tape. I haven't been there in a minute, so they gave my records away! Usually they give me all the records they throw away, so I have a ton of vinyl. Plugging this now, if youre interested in buying some, hit me up some how. I need to make an email so yall can contact me. Anyways, lets jump to the music section while we can.

Right now I'm listening to my shitty ska playlist. I was listening to Michael Jackson, Liam Lynch, and some Blues. Anyways, I gotta go mess around with rodent bones. Peace out!

-Jemma

12/4/2023

Hi. I have work to do. I'll be back. We're working on bones in the hand and wrist right now, but this sub keeps rambling on about ranom things. He uses roman numerals and funny tricks and acronyms. I like his teaching methods better than that of our normal teacher. I like him, hes pretty cool. He said his great grandma was born in the 1800s and that his great grandfather knew civil war veterans. Pretty crazy. Today is just a chill day. Im pretty hungry, so Im excited to go to lunch. Im having a meeting with the people im starting a band with at lunch, probably figuring out where we are going to play. Its gonna be a cool punky band, im excited. We have like a school concert thing, I played it last year with my band. This year im gonna have two bands playing it! In one of the bands (my current band Ive been in about a year or two) we are a duo, I play guitar and do vocals while the other band member plays drums. In this band Im gonna do guitar and back up vocals probably. Its cool though, because I can play guitar pretty good, bass alright, and I know how to play drums enough where I can lay down a beat for my brother to play bass over. I can also play piano enough to play a Little Richard song alright. I used to be better at piano, but I ran out of time to practice. I am going to make time to practice on my organ. Yes, I have an electric organ I bought a yearish and a half or so ago for like seventy dollars from a thrift store. Go to a thrift store in a somewhat middle class area with lots of old people and Im sure you can find an electric organ. Once I saw one selling for about seventeen dollars. Theyre pretty cool. Im gonna check how much time I have left in class and that will determine if I jump to the music section or keep writing in this part of the blog. I have a good minute of time, so Im gonna toot my own horn. I think this blog has been quite succesful! I wanted to do it to just try and write every day, and Ive done just that. Of course, there is break days where I dont have time, but its been good. I think it helps sort out my thoughts, which is a bonus, and helps me to just get something down and get started. On another note, I think a lot of things are going to work out and stuff in life. Ive got two comic projects Im working on, two bands im in and a couple in the process of creation, Ive got good grades, and a sick blog. Things are working out and a lot of times Im not very grateful or mindful of that. I need to keep remembering that. Im so thankful for my family, my girlfriend, my friends, my school, and all these opportunities. Theres so much to be thankful for and I dont want to let it pass me by. Anyways, lets get in to the music!

At this very moment I am listening to Jack White. I was listening to Kim Deal, Bad Brains, The Donnas, and my top songs 2023. Its a lot of rockabilly on there. I have no clue how I managed to listen to so much rockabilly this year, its kind of crazy. Someone called me schiztophrenic today for imagining a future where Elvis didnt die in 1979. They just dont understand what its like to have an imagination and be creative. Im not making this blog in to somewhere where I just dis on people though. That AP Lit class is full of some interesting critters though. Some of which I am friends with, others of which I could do without contact. Eek! Anyways, I'll see you all tomorrow :)

-Jemma

12/3/2023 Missed

12/2/2023

Hey everyone, its Jemma! I'm home, and I'm resting, and I'm messing around with digital art. The hard thing with digital art for me is that its an infinite medium with so much to explore. I need to figure out a goal of some sort of what I want to create. I want to make something for the website for sure, I'm just not sure what or how. I also want to make comics with it, and I'm
not sure where to start. Probably gonna figure out a tutorial or something to watch. Uhh, anyways. Christmas is on its way! I'm pretty tired and I think I'm gonna cut the blog post short for tonight. Goodnight!

P.S. I made this little digital arty thing!

-Jemma

12/1/2023

ITS DECEMBER!!! 25 days till Christmas, 16 days of school, and 1 college class left (figured out no class on Thursday)! I'm feeling much better than yesterday. I still woke up super early and had some sort of weird dream (of which I can't remember the details), but I'm feeling good. I woke up feeling a lot of anxiety, but then I turned the anxiety into good vibes. I'm still deciding how cool I want my outfit to be today.. cause I could do something really cool if I felt like it, but I'm not sure what I want to do. Also, I think I'm gonna bring my mp3 player to school, just to change things up. My mp3 player at this point is like a time capsule of music with a broken pause button. Thats right, if I want to pause it I have to turn it off. Its simple though, I like it. Also, now that its December I'm trying to figure out what I'm getting people for Christmas. Its that Christmas season! I already have a Christmas playlist I made with all the Christmas songs I like (excluding a few because I just forgot about them, but I'll add them later). Also, I'm thinking about learning how to do Tarot readings. I watched a video on all the cards meanings (but wasnt able to watch the minor arcana entire part of the video because I was in class and the class was over), so I have very basic ideas. I think I'm gonna finish the video later today or something. I also work tonight, and I havent worked in a good while, so that should be interesting. After college last night I stopped in at work to pick up my posters and an icee and say hi to a coworker I havent seen in forever. Anyways, I'm gonna cut the blog here for now and I'll probably write the music section later at school.

I'm back, in Anatomy, and its music time. Right now I'm listening to BYOP. Earlier I was listening to Betty Harris, Betty Harris, and ZZ Hill. Alright, I'm gonna go study. I'll see you all later!

-Jemma

11/30/2023

Its the last day of November, and I'm feeling shitty again. Hi, this is Jemma, and I'm on the web. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe its the looming deadlines. Things will get better next Friday. Seventeen days until Christmas break, and I can't wait. I want to go home and get a good nights sleep. I had nightmares and was waking up stressing out last night. It was a hard night. I'm doing fine, just one of those shitty periods of existing. Life isn't a constant good or bad time, it goes in spurts. I'm just not in a great spurt right now. I'm still debating redesigning the website, but I'm not sure. I had a super good Monday and Tuesday, maybe Friday will be great. I do have to work from six to nine thirty, but thats alright. I think I'm gonna get the poster for Priscilla, which is awesome. Its gonna go right above my bed. I also can't wait for lunch. I think I might change up what I get today instead of pizza. Pizza is good, but I might be burning out. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, even in the case of pizza. Now I'm hungry man.. I just wish I could stop stressing out about my final project. Its gonna be fine, I finished it. Im gonna put on finishing touches, but like, I can still turn it in how it is. Im gonna finish this later.
Ok, I didn't mean to say I was gonna end the blog yesterday. I was in a bit of a mood, and I just... Idk, the blog so far has been a very defined era of my life, and I feel like I'm soon beginning a new era of my life. One without my Kendall class. One with (minimal) amounts of more free time. More free time that I want to take to rest and recover, get back in to picking up hobbies I've dropped since getting my drivers license. This era, of course, won't last too long, seeing as my other college class will start. But that class is just sociology. Its not a three hour studio art class. Its also not nearly as much of a drive, its only fifteen minutes away rather than an hour. I'll get out of school at three, rather than seven. If I really think about it, its gonna be a whole bunch more free time. Hurray! Okay, I am thankful for that. I need to fix my mindset to get back in to a good mood. I have to do something for personal finance real quick, be right back.
Okay, I'm back and I've lost my train of thought. I NEED to remember to drop off the comics at the store when I'm in downtown. I couldn't last week because I forgot them, then I couldn't because of the snow (which I forgot to email about) and- and this is becoming an anxiety spiral, something I fear the blog has become way too often as of late. I I think, if a site redesign is not done, I atleast need to focus up on something in the blog. I need something to keep me from just spiralling out. Speaking of which, I'm gonna get to the music section so I can finish this blog post today. I'm not gonna have any other time today to finish it otherwise.

Alrights, today I've been listening to Cumgirl8, The Chats, Doo Wop, and The Paragons. I listened to some other stuff too, but not much else. Ughhhh, okay. I need to go home and drink some water, and then I'm off to college. Well, thats that. Thanks for reading and putting up with my bitching. I'll see you all later!

-Jemma

11/29/2023

Okay, I wrote a whole blog post, and then I shut my chromebook and it was all gone. This is ass. Well, I guess thats that. Now I don't really feel like writing again. Maybe it may be time to put the blog down. Its funny too, because this is the two month aniversary of writing this blog. I don't know, maybe I'll come back to it eventually. Maybe I'll feel like writing more later. Right now I just have a lot of school work. Atleast I only have three more college classes and 18 days of school till Christmas break. Its gonna be better after next week. I'll be able to go home every day right after fifth hour and just chill. Maybe I'll play minecraft. Maybe thats when I'll write my blog. The blog isnt dead, I'm just hungry. Fall is over, and this is giving me fall vibes. Maybe I just need to redesign the site for the winter. Give it some nice snowflakes in the background, instead of the stars. Give it some nice blue shades. Make it look like Frozen. I think thats what I'll start doing after all the stress of this week is over. I've got my final project due tomorrow, scholastic award stuff to turn in on Friday, comics to drop off in the city, and a ton of other shit right now. Thats why I didn't feel like writing. Im actually illustrating one of my blog posts from earlier this month as a comic for my final project. I'll make sure to put it on here when im done with it. Well, I don't feel like writing the music section for today, because thats what the lost post i was making mostly was, so this is goodbye.

-Jemma

11/28/2023

I don't feel like writing right now. Maybe later.

-Jemma

11/27/2023

Hi internet, its Jemma. Twenty days left (including today) until Christmas break. I can not wait. Like, get me out of here lol. Actually, today I don't mind being at school. I'm glad to see everyone again and very thankful. I need to be thankful for everyone and everything around me more often. I am thankful for everyone and everything around me. I'm thankful for my family, my girlfriend, my car, my school, and my entire life. Anyways, its looking like a pretty chill Monday.

Today I am listening to Cumgirl8 and the Ramones. If you haven't heard of or listened to Cumgirl8 before, go listen to them. My favorites are Waffles, Cicciolina, Cherry Nipples, and my favorite today is Hourglass. Anyways, I'm actually trying to stay on top of my work in Anatomy these days, so I'm gonna call the blog quits for today. Peace out!

-Jemma

11/26/2023

Today I woke up, read some Great Expectations, went to Church, played some piano (I can still kind of read sheet music!), and then I found a bunch of my old stuff. Yearbooks from elementary and middle school. An old notebook/journal that I wrote almost anything in in sixth grade (you could almost consider it a disconnected ancestor of this blog). Its interesting. I looked back on a lot of faces that used to be so important to me but have now faded into the immature depths of my memory. Few faces still remain that I see every day (like my bestie). We barely hung out in middle and elementary school (to my regret), but now we're total besties. Its weird to think that almost everybody I associate with now I've only know since freshman year at the longest, and in about a year or so they'll all be gone. I hope thats not the case though. I want to stay with my friends. Or most of them. Its weird to think, a lot of change is going to happen. I'm very hopeful of the future. Sometimes college feels like this great escape. A great wonderous future. Sometimes I feel like its another dreadful experience waiting to happen. I hope its the first. Sometimes it feels more positive to look at things as the past. Everything worked out. Some day I'm going to look through the window of my mind and see myself right now typing this blog with fondness. Some day I'll miss this, I'll be nostalgic for this. We'll all miss bits and pieces of the present once its passed. Thinking about that makes me enjoy the present. Some day I'm going to miss right now, so I need to take avantage and enjoy right now before it slips out of my hands. I can't believe its 2023, going on 2024. We're in the future.

Right now I'm taking it back to this Summer and listening to The Mall Rats Soundtrack. I miss this Summer in certain ways. Definitely not the last month and a half of it, but the earlier parts. The fun parts. Sometimes it takes more time passing to apreciate the present. Take advantage of the present!

-Jemma

11/25/2023

Well well well, if it isn't the twentyfifth day of November. Whatsup internet people, its Jemma again and we are rockin n rollin to Elvis this morning. I woke up early (again) because I'm fun and decided to just get the AP Art pieces I still needed to do finished, and guess what! They are done. I got all four pieces I wanted to get done done. I just need to bring them in on Monday and I will have a perfect grade in the class again. Now I just need to make sure to stay on the schedule of getting a piece done every week and a half for the rest of the school year. Or I can just keep getting stressed out and doing them last minute lol.
As you know, yesterday I went to the mall. It was really cool, my girlfriend bought me some clothes!! He is the best! I also bought myself a pin with Kuromi and Melody on it. Its really cute. I'll tell you this though, my car is pretty trashed rn and I need to clean it. Maybe I'll do that later today, or right now, or tomorrow (I'm probably not gonna get it done). Today I'm busy though, so I have an excuse. Probably going to go see the new Trolls movie with my family (because why not) and then after my girlfriend gets out of work we're gonna watch the Blues Brothers movie. That movie is so fucking good, and so is The Soundtrack. Its so good that I own the CD of it. Anyways, I think I'm gonna try and work on my comic or something right now, and once again skip the music section because its the morning and I haven't listened to much music yet this morning. Have a sweet Saturday!

-Jemma

11/24/2023

Good morning internet, its Jemma, and today I'm going to the mall! You guys know the lore by now, I love the mall. I get all dressed up and go out to wander. I usually take my badass girlfriend with me too! Today I'm going with two other friends as well who are super cool. We've been planning this trip for a while, but it didn't quite work itself out until now. On black Friday. Its about to be crazy. My mom said I have to be home by 12:30 though, which is cool, because this afternoon we are going to decorate for Christmas now that Thanksgiving is over. Some may say its too early, but at this point its tradition for my family to put up Christmas decorations the day after Thanksgiving. When I was little I would want to do it even earlier, but my Mom said that we had to wait until the day after Thanksgiving. I just woke up, and its pretty early in the morning, so I haven't listened to any music yet today. I promise once I'm back from Thanksgiving break I'll keep doing the music section on the blog, but this is another one of those Thanksgiving break days. Anyways, have a most excellent day web surfers!

-Jemma

11/23/2023

Happy Thanksgiving, American internet people. I feel like sometimes as Americans we forget that this holiday is uniquely ours. Like, I don't think any other countries celebrate Thanksgiving. Maybe theres some weirdo Canadians or something. Who knows. Anyways, today I'm gonna eat turkey and all that good stuff. Like a true American. We are vibing with it. I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving (or normal Thursday) and I will see you tomorrow. Can't write much because my cousins will be over in an hour. Ciao!

-Jemma

11/22/2023

Goodmorning internet. Its Jemma again. I have a lot to tell you, but I'm not gonna say much. I have a lot of things I want to do, and I need to go get them done. The Breeders are fueling me, and Im not gonna let this inspiration escape me. I'll see you all tomorrow!

-Jemma

11/21/2023

Its a cold, rainy November day. I'm hungry and want to skip my next hour, its useless anyways. I just want to go home and not have to think about school. I wish it were the early morning and I was in my room writing, typing away at my computer. My sketchbooks out all around my desk, with references strewn about as well. The only sound I hear is the music flowing through my headphones, as the rest of the house, neighborhood, and city is asleep. The curtains are closed above my desk, creating a comforting dark void out of the fabric. Instead I'm in Anatomy, waiting for others to finish their retests, because I decided not to take one. I could be working on the numerous projects and assignments I'm behind on, but it wouldn't do me any good. I have no energy to focus on these things. Instead I choose to write letters to no one. Every day I send one out into the void, perhaps to be discovered by an intrigued passerby roaming the web. Perhaps somebody will be inspired, or moved by the words I hammer into my keyboard on my dirty school computer. Perhaps somebody will take me seriously. Tales of a teenage queer, taken as a joke by her peers.
Today it was difficult to get out of bed. As soon as I awoke the challenges of today loomed over me, an hour earlier than my alarm. I did get up though, and powered through first and second hour. My only real challenge is my own stress. I am my own worst enemy. I need to break this cycle. I am caught in my mind, when I should be looking ahead. Wednesday will be great, I'm gonna binge watch the rest of the Scott Pilgrim anime with my girlfriend! Thursday is Thanksgiving, and I'll get to see my cousins whom I haven't seen in a good while. The food will be good, and I get to eat the delicious turkey my Dad makes every year. Friday I might go to the mall with my friends. Thatll be wild, going to the mall on black friday. Saturday I have no plans, and I might take it to rest and work on homework. Sunday I will return to Church. I'm thinking about volunteering to do the art for the bulletins at Church.
I need to focus on the numerous positive things that surround me, or my own anxiety will consume me. I need to look around me. I need to see the bright reality, rather than the dreary gothic nightmare that I create in my head.

Elvis started of my morning, but then I drifted into the car with Lazeretto. First and second hour I listened to depressing shit, and now I have my work playlist on shuffle. I've already written more than enough today, and I think I will leave you all here with that. Things will get better.

-Jemma

11/20/2023

Hello internet, its Jemma and I'm back at school. In guess what class? Anatomy! Again! Of course! Just figured out I'm suposed to have five pieces done in AP Art while I only have two done... But its alright, I have my next three planned out. The first of them is one that I just need to collage together. No big deal. The next two are going to be portraits of groups. They are going to be juxtapositions of a word. So basically if the word was peace (which will probably be one of them) its going to be a bunch of people that are heavily armed and all that with a bunch of peace signs draped on them and stuff. Its like oposites. Its ironic. So thatll be my other two and then I'll be caught up. Im probably gonna take off all Thanksgiving break to work on school work. Basically, that AP Art stuff, catching up in AP Lit, and doing extra credit for my college art class. Thats enough talking about school, Im gonna move on to the music.

Today has been a bit of a Rockabilly and Elvis day. I've also been listening to Jack White, Weezer, and Wanda Jackson. Ok, I'm running short on time because I have to go disect that owl pellet. I'll see you all later! Peace!

-Jemma

11/19/2023

Good morning internet, once again its the morning (not as early) and I am working on stuff for my comic book. I want to get in the habit of doing this on weekend mornings, I think its a good way to get things done for this. I've mostly been working on character design and details and there's this one character that I need to do a full design of. Today I've got Church, and I have to work after and then I'll probably hang out with my boyfriend and watch the new Scott Pilgirm anime. I'm not spoiling any of it, and I don't want any spoilers, but its SO FUCKING GOOD. Like, HOLY SHIT, it shouldn't be allowed to be this good. I never saw this coming. Like, never. Its insane. Also, I feel the same joy and fresh excitement for it as the first time I read the book or watched the movie. I didn't think this was possible. Its nuts, that was all the way back in middle school. I'm hyped about it now, and try and get people into it and talk about it now and stuff, but back then I was way crazier about it. Scott Pilgrim was such a big deal to me in middle school. Theres like this, I would almost call cultural revolution, in my middle school life when I got into a bunch of cool stuff that was like the gateway to a lot of the cool stuff I like now. Like, I started reading Scott Pilgrim and that was like the gateway into indie comics for me. I also started listening to this radio show that played blues all night, and that got me into blues which led me to getting into so much more music. I swear, if you ever don't know where to start when you're trying to get into new music, start with 1920s blues and work your way forward. Thats kind of what I tried to do, and I'd say it worked pretty well. Speaking of music...

This morning I've only been listening to my Gospel Playlist. Its not modern gospel or christian music, I don't like any of that. Its the old time religion. Anyways, I hope you all have a super cool Sunday and I will catch you tomorrow!

-Jemma

11/18/2023

Good morning internet, its the early morning and I have just been writing. Writing what you ask? Good question. So I'm working on this comic called Phillie and Johnny and its about these two friends navigating challenges and changes in their best friendship. It started as this comic I was writing in my sketchbook last year, but I really like the characters, and I'm making a few edits but I'm trying to make it legit and ready to publish like some of my other comics. Speaking of those other comics, I just printed a bunch more and I'm dropping them off at the comic book store probably on Tuesday. I'm getting back into writing and illustrating comics, and once I'm done with my college class for this semester I might put more time aside to work on them. But anyways, I might try and submit some of my more ready comics to publishers, because theyve been selling fine self published.

This morning I've just been listening to that Phil Specter stuff. Its just got such a nice sound. A wall of sound. Anyways, I'm gonna wrap up the blog there for today. Peace out!

-Jemma

11/17/2023

Hi internet, its Jemma again and I am back at school. In what class? Anatomy, per usual. I think we might have to do a lab, so if the blog gets cut off and randomly finishes, thats why. I think we have to disect an owl pellet. Its nasty, I really dont like to do labs lol. Science is not my thing. We got our test scores back,
and I got an eighty five though, so thats alright. Also, you may have noticed today, but I have displayed a piece of art that I made in AP Art that I have to submit to the scholastic art awards. I doubt it will win anything, but my art teacher wants me to submit it so yk, here we are. I don't know the dimensions of the actual piece so I can't submit it right now I'll figure it out Monday. Anyways, so I can finish today's blog without it getting randomly cut off, I'm gonna get into the music section.

Today I've been listening to The Beatles, that playlist I made for a friend, Jack White, Descendents, and ZZ Hill.
Ok, I got cut off earlier by the lab. The owl pellet was actually pretty crazy to take apart. There was like, mice skulls and stuff. It was pretty interesting. My friend has a license to get roadkill I think and I might ask him if I can get a skull from him eventually. Anyways, back to the music. Since third hour I've been listening to Weezer and I forgot to mention I was listening to Elvis earlier. Anyways, I think thats gonna wrap up today's blog. If I don't end up posting this weekend (which I will be pretty busy, so don't expect to hear from me till Monday) I supose this is farewell until then!

-Jemma

11/16/2023

Hello readers of the blog, its Jemma again. Today I stayed home from school. I don't feel like explaining, its just been stressing me out so I'm taking a day off. I don't have to justify why. Also, the Priscilla movie was REALLY GOOD. Like, holy shit, it was awful but amazing. I'm glad I got to see it with my epic girlfriend. Also, we have now been dating six months as of yesterday, which is insane. Time flys. I don't have much to say today, other than that. Oh, also I'm thinking of playing through pokemon heart gold again. We'll see how it goes.

As far as music goes, today I've not been listening to too much stuff and I do not feel like coding in the links. I hope you all have a great Thursday, I will see you tomorrow

-Jemma

11/15/2023

Hi internet, its Jemma, and in my AP Lit class we have been talking about my teacher's garden for A WHOLE FUCKING FORTY MINUTES LMAO. Like, seriously dude, we haven't gotten SHIT done. This is funny as hell. There's only twenty minutes left in class, and the theater kids that sit behind me are stringing her along talking about vegetables. Never get a vegetarian started about her vegetables. But seriously, if plants vs zombies was real, this woman is the one who would be surviving. Her garden sounds like Crazy Dave's heaven. She has all these exotic seeds and shit. Its wild. Anyways, today is looking like a pretty chill day. I'm trying to not think about stressing about school as much, and stop the anxiety spirals. I get to see Priscilla today with my girlfriend, its gonna be awesome! Yknow, I didn't do my homework for this class last night, but its looking like it wont even matter. I guess I can just catch up on Great Expectations later. Its alright lol. I think I have to get to chapter 17(?) by Friday. No big deal, I'll just do it later. She just confirmed that we are going to talk about plants the whole hour. Like she actually said that. Its insane lol. So I guess I have this whole hour to work on the blog. Some of these vegetable look magical. Its insane. I almost felt like dressing up today, with all my cool goth alt punk shit, but then I decided not to while I was sitting in my car. I have to change in my car because my parents. Or something like that. Yknow, thats life lol.
Also, all you emos out there reading the blog, my friend is single and is looking for an emo boyfriend. She is in the discord server, join and stuff and I'll hook you up lol. Thats gonna cut the blog for now, and I'm gonna get into the music section.

Today I've been listening to some Folksy stuff, Chuck Berry, and this playlist my friend wanted me to make for her. Yup, so I think I'm gonna cut the blog. I don't even know why I'm at school right now if we're just talking about plants. Its kinda funny, but I forgot my sketchbook in my college portfolio in my car. Anyways, smell ya later internet people!

-Jemma

11/14/2023

Hello again, internet. It's Tuesday, my long day, but we're gonna focus on the positives. Tomorrow I'm going to go see Priscilla. I don't actually know much about the movie, but I'm excited because Elvis and Priscilla Presley are interesting to me. They're interesting specimins. I'm really curious to see them cover their relationship, because she was like, fourteen. Thats pedophillia man. I'm also excited to go home and play minecraft tonight. Thats how I cool down a lot of times. I play minecraft, maybe listen to music or watch some TV. Its nice. Its chill. Its what I need sometimes. Also, I know its way too early, but I'm starting
to get excited for Christmas. And Thanksgiving break! I probably won't work much during Thanksgiving break, because why? We get breaks for a reason. Thats next week! We only will have two days of school! Anyways, back on the Christmas topic, I can already sense the smells of cinammin and dust formultating, and the sounds of old Christmas songs are beginning to flood my mind. I love Christmas, I love the snow, I love being by the fire. The whole thing is very nice. It reminds me of my Grandma, she really got into the Christmas spirit. We would always play bingo on Christmas eve. I doubt anyone in their right mind wants to be hearing about Christmas this early in November, so I'll skip right on to the music section of today's blog.

I've been jamming out to more older Phil Specter produced things, along with Descendents and a couple random songs from random artists here and there. I don't know what this Phil Specter stuff is called. Is it Motown? Fifties girl groups? I'm not sure, but I like it and I want to dig more into it. Maybe this is my next musical obsession. I hope you all have a rockin Tuesday, I'll see you tomorrow!

-Jemma

11/13/2023

Hello internet. Its me, Jemma, and I am tired as hell. I did NOT want to go to school today. Here we are though. I have good news and bad news. Good news: I didn't fail my Anatomy practical. I got an 86! Bad news? I have a ton of homework for my art class (once again). Annywaayyys... We're gonna move on.
Yesterday I didn't do a blog post because I went to the mall with my girlfriend, which was super fun. She bought me a Kuromi stuffed animal! Its like, one of my favorite stuffed animals now. She even has little boots! Like, holy shit :D I also got a pretzel, which was cool. Way better than the pretzels at my work. Then we went back to his house and just hung out. Didn't end up doing the daily blog post because by the time I got home, after dinner, I was so fucking tired lol. I've been so tired lately and I'm not sure why. I'm gonna pause the blog writing for a minutes, I'll be back with the music section.

I'm back, I just finished all my work from Anatomy, and I am ready to put the music section in. Getting things done! So I've been listening to some stuff Phil Spector produced, The Beatles, The Selecter, Chuck Berry, and some of my highschool semester playlists. Anyways, hopefully you all had a great Sunday and start of your morning. I'll see you Tuesday!

-Jemma

11/12/2023 Missed

11/11/2023

Happy Veterans day! Its me, Jemma, coming to you live from my house. I don't have much to say today because its still pretty early Saturday morning, but hello. I don't have to work today, ended up working an hour longer last night though. I just am hanging out with my grandparents today. We'll see how that goes. What else... Oh yeah, I've also been reading my two books a whole bunch today. I'm reading One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest (which I've been greatly enjoying) and Great Expectations (which has been slow, but not bad). I wonder if now that I have been reading more if my blog is getting any wordier or better written. I have no clue. I also hung out with my girlfriend a whole bunch yesterday, which was super fun. Today before my grandparents come over I might take my brother to the library. I have some books to return anyways, and I want to see if they have this one Pokemon book I've been looking for or if they are any further through their renovations. I used to love the library so much, but right now they are renovating so its been harder to find things and just makes me enjoy it a little less. I still love the library though. Also, last night I listened to my favorite radio show on the way home from work and a little bit at home and it was really nice. I haven't listened in a while. In some of my hardest times music and the radio have been there for me. I fully recommend checking out your local radio stations. Not the pre-programmed ones, but the ones with actual people talking and manning the radio stations. The ones where they take requests and play things other than pop, modern country, religious music, and "classic" rock. Also check out whatever oldies stations you can find. Not fake oldies that play music from the 70s 80s and 90s, but the REAL oldies. Anyways, that just about ends today's ramble. I hope you all have a great Saturday. Bye!

-Jemma

11/10/2023

Good morning, its Friday! Thank goodness. This week was pretty long, but we survived! Hurray! From here there is one more full week of school before Thanksgiving break. I have all of my art class homework due on Tuesday, but I lost all of it... Im just gonna have to redo it ig lol. Its fine, I'll get it done. I always do. Today we have our veterans day assembly at school. It's gonna be boring, but theres no way I'm skipping it. I think its important to show up and show the veterans that we care. They gave their lives to protect us, the least we can do is show up to a half day assembly. I almost wore my banned in DC shirt today (look it up), which would have been an awful choice lol. Anywayys, lets get into the music today.

Today I've been listening to Geto Boys, ZZ Hill, and BB King. I hope you all have a great day, and weekend if I don't post a blog! Peace!

-Jemma

11/9/2023

Hello internet people! I'm in a good mood today, and today is going to be a good day. I get to listen to these Vietnam vets talk about Vietnam, so that should be fun. I'm really interested in the Vietnam war. Its such a fascinating piece of history. Last night I feel asleep super early. It was weird. Maybe it had something to do with reading Dante's Inferno (or atleast a comic book version. I'll be back!
Once again I started the blog in AP Lit and now I'm in Anatomy. Just took the lab practical, and uh... yeah. It went lol. Not gonna let that get me down though. I'm pretty hungry and can't wait for lunch after listening to the veterans talk about 'Nam. Lets get into today's music!

Once again I am listening to Jr. Walker and the All Stars. I love them! This morning I was listening to Professor Longhair, A Tribe Called Quest, and my favorite band of all time, The Donnas. I hope you all have a great Thursday, and I will see you next time!

-Jemma

11/8/2023

I need to keep telling myself things are going to get better. I feel drained. Like, completely energyless. I went to bed at 8:30 last night and I still feel tired. Theres something wrong with me for sure. Maybe I need to take a break from the stresses of school and work, but when I'm at home I don't know what to do. I'm too tired to do anything. I don't know what to do with myself. I was looking forward to going to the mall, but even that isn't seeming to cheer me up. I think this has something to do with coming out to my parents. I just haven't been feeling the same. It went well, but there's something wrong in my brain. I feel motionless in a world that won't stop moving. I look back at memories and I can't help but want to return to when things were simpler. But they weren't. I need to pause my writing to do school work.
I'm back and I still feel like shit. I just need to get out. I need something to change. I can't wait for the next semester. No more anatomy, no more college art class, maybe even having classes or lunch with my friend or my girlfriend. I can get away from the same old annoying people in my classes. Today maybe I'll eat lunch and then go chill in the library.
Today I had a conversation with my english teacher about college. She didn't have much to say, but she definitely was leaning towards a certain college I should not go to. I agree with her. I very much want to go into an art career, but I wouldn't mind doing something else like library science. Theres this part of me that keeps on fighting it though, saying that if I go into something other than art I'm giving up, or admitting I'm a bad artist. I never feel like an artist to be honest. I never feel like I'm good enough. But thats wrong. My art isnt bad, its just different than what everyone else is doing. Or not different, its just not the it. I feel like that about most things I like. Maybe I did this to myself. Maybe I was born into this. I just want to be at home eating cinammin raisin toast in my pajamas playing minecraft. Thats whats truly appealing to me right now. I want to take off my wet socks and get under the comfortable heat of my blankets. I need a break day. I need to clean my room back up so it feels nice.

As far as the music of today goes, I've been listening to Lo-Hi, Descendents, The Shitbirds, and The Ramones. A lot of real punky stuff. I think I need to explore some new music. Right now I'm getting close to a time where I need a fresh start. We're only in the first week of November too! I must be really discontent. Maaybe i just don't like November. I'm gonna make a ranking of the months.

1. June: Its warm, theres a bit of school, but its the end, so theres hope. Theres also Summer. Its a time of change and theres a bit of everything. I love change.
2. August: Once again, its a warm time with a bit of school and summer. Its nice. Its change. Things are happening. And its super fucking hot. I love the heat.
3. May: May is when AP Exams are, so its kind of nice to get that over with and chill after. Its also starting to get warm and there is hope in the end of school. When school or summer is fading away its easier to appreciate it because its going to be gone son.
4. December: Christmas. Thats it.
5. September: Its still kind of warm, fall is in full force, and school is starting up. Its a nice fresh start.
6. October: Halloween is in the air. It can be warm. I don't like the rainy days though. It can get a bit depressing.
7. July: I love the heat. I love most of it, but it was the worst month of the Summer for me because I over worked myself. That was not good.
8. April: April showers. Please just make it warm and flowery May. I don't need this month. Atleast theres no snow though.
9. November: Maybe its just because this is the month we are currently in and the grass is always greener and all that shit, but November is just too transitional for me. Its kind of a liminal month. Its very gray, its between the direct switch of Halloween and Christmas. I guess theres Thanksgiving (which just reminded me of Thanksgiving break!). I do enjoy the parade. Okay, I need to bump this back up above March.
10. March: Its wayyy too slushy and sort of a depressing slush of a month. I also think St. Patricks day is stupid. It drives me a little crazy.
11. January: After the greatest heights come the greatest falls. That being from Christmas to just... meh.
12. February: I hate valentines day.

There we go. I'm just realizing how long this blog post is getting today. Oh well, I don't really care. I don't care if I put all my thoughts up on the internet. Nobody's ever going to read it or need to read it anyways. Just more of myself I can put out into the world for other people to enjoy. Theres not really a punishment to these thoughts. Now I should probably explain why I rated the months this way. Maybe I'll just do that up in the list.
Just finished that up and now I feel a little hopefull. Thanksgiving is in the near future, which means Thanksgiving break! Yayy!! Maybe I'll decide to not work during that and take a REAL break. I need to get some food in my stomach and then maybe I'll feel better. I ought to let you all go and finish up the blog. Thanks for listening, have a super Wednesday!

-Jemma

11/7/2023

Hi, its Jemma. Today is a depression day. I woke up, said,"Fuck. Its Tuesday." and then I passed out. I overslept and had a dream that I was at work. Now I'm at school and I'm in the thick of whats going to be a long day. I don't get home till seven at night, and then I have to read three chapters of Great Expectations. Its a good book, but its just a lot of work. I should be thankful for the opportunities I've been given in education. It's a lot of work, but atleast I'm not getting shot at or starving.
Next hour I am going to hang out with one of my friends that has a crush on this girl, but she barely will talk to her and is scared. It's so crazy. Like, girl, just talk to her. It's not that hard.
I feel this thing thats like reverse dysphoria or some shit. Like, I don't feel like shit about gender, but more like holy shit why am I this way. Whats wrong with me. Why can't I just be normal.

Today I've been listening to Ayesha Erotica, Jr. Walker and the All Stars, Cumgirl8, and The White Stripes. Anyways, that is about all I have to say today. I wish I could be at home playing club penguin. Byee!

-Jemma

11/6/2023

Hello internet people, its Jemma. I am currently in Anatomy class and we are going to do an expiriment or something. I should probably figure out whats going on. I swear, this blog might be the reason I'm failing this class. I just need to calm my brain down. I had a good weekend, I hope you all did too, and I didn't miss any blog posts! Yayy!! I need to focus on this moment in time. We are talking about how our skin sensory thingys and how they feel temperature. Its somewhat interesting because we have a substitute teacher who is more interesting than our normal teacher. He's a retiree who used to teach the class. I try to pay attention to what he is saying, but the class and classmate next to me are awfully chatty. He is telling us that we are going to do an expiriment today. I eally don't want to do it out of pure laziness. Wait, he'ss gone off on some tangent now about something else. I may be safe. For the sake of finishing today's blog post I am going to move on to the music section now.

Today I've been listening to The White Stripes again, along with the other regulars (as of late) like Sue Foley and Neil Sedeka. I guess I have more time to write, but I think I should focus on class, so I will bid you all adieu.

-Jemma

11/5/2023

Hello and happy Sunday evening. Yesterday I didn't finish the blog post, but I still did something, and guess what! I (sort of) came out to my parents. So thats fun. Anyways, I just got home from work. It wasn't a horrible day at work. Kind of peaceful. Yesterday was definitely less peaceful at work. Sort of unsettling. But I'm feeling pretty good today, and I'm not too scared of tomorrow. A little stressed about some of my classes (Anatomy), but thats about it. I'm trying to have a more positive outlook on things instead of constantly going into spirals of anxiety. Plus, its getting nice and Novembery out. Because of daylight savings its now dark at dinner time. More driving in the dark for me! Anyways, lets get to th music section

Today I've been listening to The White Stripes, Weezer's unreleased album, Descendents, and Operation Ivy. I listened to a lot of music today because I was at work and it was super dead. I talked to a lot of my coworkers, but sometimes you can only talk to people for so long. Especially when you work in a tight space at a movie theater. I hope you all had a great weekend, and I will see you tomorrow.

-Jemma

11/4/2023

Coming to you (kind of) live from my work, its Jemma. I'm coding this from my phone, which is kind of nuts. Everything is slower on here and I'm lazy af.

-Jemma

11/3/2023

Hi, today is a day of dysphoriaa.. I feel really tired and kind of hungry. I cant wait for lunch.
I just realized I can't go to my friend's birthday party because I have to hang out with my grandparents. Not fun. I also feel really annoying today. I don't know why, its just how I feel. Coming out to my parents this weekend has got me feeling weird. I know I should but I really don't want to. I just want to sleep.

Today I've been listening to ZZ Hill, Descendents, and uhh.. Thats about it.
The annoying girl is up in front of class again. The teacher is doing an expiriment, but I could honestly care less. I want to be at home. Asleep. Nothing I want more than it. I'm confused. I don't knoow what I want. Maybe eating the school pizza will make me feel better. I don't know.
Remember to be thankful for what you have.
P.S. This is future Jemma, it did get better after I ate. I just gotta get better at bringing more food to school lol. Hope you all have a good day, and weekend if I don't get time to blog. Byeee :)

-Jemma

11/2/2023

Whatsup fuckrs, its Rockin Thursday in Jemmaland! I'm feeling the rock n roll today. I was gonna say some shit but then I forgot what I was gonna say. We'll get more into it in the music section, lets hit dream time.
Last night I had this crazy dream that I was at my grandparents house and then globally a bunch of human child sized worms started ripping through the ground and mawling and killing people, but they couldn't handle water. So we went to the kitchen because in the dream there was water pipes under the floor in there so we were safe. Then I kept going with normal life, going to college and in the parking garages and stuff, but everyone was walking fast and sitting on chairs and trying to not touch the ground so the worms wouldn't kill us.
Thats enough of dream time. Today I'm pretty tired. I don't think that sleep with crazy dreams gives you much rest. Now I'm in AP Lit and we're watching a documentary on Charles Dickens. I'm not so much interested in the topic as I am how its shot. Its done in an older way. Like its froma while ago and I kinda like it. Its got the classic documentary tropes that Cunk on Earth makes fun of. I'm trying to keep my mood up today, because its going to be a long day, and weekend for that matter. But I do have something to look forward to, that being going to the mall next weekend! I fuckin LOVE the mall and I'm probably going to go with my girlfriend again. Just thinking about going has me super excited. I could gush on abbout the mall for a solid hour, but I think I'm going to move on to the music section of the blog

Today I've been listening to Sue Foley's Ten Days In November again and The Donnas. I just woke up a little while ago so I haven't listened to much music so far.
Anyways, I'm gonna focus on my school work if these stupid girls behind me shut up so I can focus. Thanks for reading! Peace out!

-Jemma

11/1/2023

Its a snowy November first, and doo-wop Wednesday. I'll get more into that in the music paragraph.
Whats up internet, its Jemma. I hope you are all doing good on this frigid day, I'm freezing my ass off out here. I started writing this blog post in AP Lit, but I had actual work to do so now I'm in Anatomy (per usual). I think this is going to be the best day of my week. This or Friday. I thought about going to the mall this weekend, but turns out I have to work a seven hour shift and a five hour shift. So the weekend is off the table. Friday should be fun though, gonna chill with my family. Today I have to finish my giant AP Lit project, but that shouldn't be too bad. This class is making me tired. I'm excited for lunch. This blog post is going to be all over the place. Aghhhhhhhhhh. I'm really dreading coming out to my parents this weekend. It will go fine though. Maybe next week will go better. I think I have a half day. Also, yesterdays critique went well. It was really stupid though because it snowed a ton and now the roads are shit. I'm gonna move on to the music section of the blog.

Today I have been listening to lots of Doo-wop because this morning when I woke up that was the mood I was in and so it is Doo-wop Wednesday. I've also been listening to Neil Sedeka and Sue Foley's Ten Days In November. I'm so glad its November so I can listen to that album now. Its also super pretty outside with the snow. Its just getting me in that fun mood, especially with the sun beaming down upon it. Its hella poetic.
I think I need to stop the blog here today. Thanks for reading, until next time!

-Jemma

10/31/2023

Happy Halloween bitches!!! Its me, Jemma, and I am sugared up. My friend gave me CANDY yesterday and now im eating it >:)
I'm going as Marceline the Vampire Queen, as I've said, and I am going for tricks or treats tonight with my girlfriend and their friends tonight after my college art critique (its gonna be scary doing the critique). I did end up finishing the art project that I have due, and I think it turned out alright. Maybe I'll open up an art gallery on the website soon...

Today all I am going to listen to is my super sick halloween playlist. I tried to get a good mix of my own weirdo music taste with the halloween classics.
I might add more to this blog post later if I have time, but for now, this is all I have for you all today. Have an epic halloween!

-Jemma

10/30/2023

Hello world! Its Jemma. I was super busy this weekend, so I didn't get to writing my blogposts, but now I am back! What was I doing this weekend? I went to my girlfriend's super sick halloween party (I dressed as Marceline the vampire queen and she went as princess bubblegum), I carved pumpkins with my family, went to the FNAF movie (it was confusing, idk anything about FNAF, but my girlfriend loved it), and I worked a six hour shift. Lots going on lol. Now I'm back though, procrastinating doing homework and assignments in Anatomy. I also did some homework this weekend because I have a big project due in my college art class and in AP Lit. I think I've talked about those before. I hope you all had a good weekend. I think I might start calling you readers Jems, because its like a pun off the name Jemma. Idk, we'll see.

As far as music goes, I've been listening to more of Weezer, The Rentals, some Green Day, and that cool playlist I found. That playlist is literally fire, I can't stop listening to it.
Anywho, I should probably try and actuallly do my school work for once :( I'll see you all tomorrow!

-Jemma

10/29/2023 Missed

10/28/2023 Missed

10/27/2023

Hello hello hello people of the web. Today I am typing from my first hour and we are partying. Its a half day and whats it we are going to the FNAF movie tonight. We being my girlfriend and some of their friends. I'm also going out to get pizza with them :)

Jumping right into the music section, I've been listening to the same stuff as yesterday because its the morning and I just woke up two hours ago. I am listening to Mustard Plug today though. I am keeping the blog post short today because I don't have much time and I have a paragraph I need to write about some poem. Byee!
P.S. This is the shortest blogpost yet lol

-Jemma

10/26/2023

Whatup people. I am typing to you from personal finance class, and its going good. Been listening to Weezer, and had an amazing night last night. My girlfriend bought me pokemon cards! They're the best. I also went to the library with my brother yesterday and I got a book on gender and a graphic novel version of Dante's Inferno. I'm excited to check those out. Today has been relatively short as of right now, I've been working on my AP Lit quarterly novel project on A Raisin In The Sun by Lorraine Hansberry. That book was so good, and I actually don't mind working on the homework project. It's just a lot of typing paragraphs. The only homework I am not looking forward to this weekend is my art class homework.. I'm not gonna think about that though. Both projects are due on Halloween (or the day after? I have no clue..). I also made a couple of internet friends over the last few days, theyre all really cool. I wonder if they will see this lol.

As far as music I've been listening to more of the same today. Weezer, that cool playlist I found, Witch, Bill Withers, Bobbie Gentry, Melanie Martinez, and this super cool new band that I am absolutely in love with THE RENTALS!!! They are literally so good. Like, if you like Weezer you will definitely like them. Also, adding onto the music section of the blog, I am thinking about doing a little part thats like,"The Song of the Day" or something. Idk, join the discord and give me opinions abou this. Might set up an email to receive emails from people on the website soon, so you can email me opinions on that once I create that. We will see.
Anyways, thank you so much for reading! I am so thankful for all my (hopefully real and not just imaginary) readers. I will see you all tomorrow hopefully!

-Jemma

10/25/2023

Hello, a tornado drill just started as I am typing this. One second.
I'm back. That was uneventful. What was I gonna say... Oh yeah, uhhh... I don't know. I'm just really hungry and tired. I feel kinda disapointed because my grades are slowly going down. Maybe soon I'll get some motivation to get back on top of my grades again. I need to stop thinking about it.
Today I'm gonna get pizza again for lunch. I like pizza a lot. The ninja turtles are onto something. I might just skip to the music section of the blog right now..

Today I've been listening to Weezer, this cool playlist I found, Black Flag, Reel Big Fish, and some other random stuff. I've also been listening to the playlist my girlfriend mad for me again, I like it a lot.
I think I'm just kinda sad because I'm hungry. I need to start bringing more food to school. I hope you all have a good day, we're half way through the week and the FNAF movie is out Friday. I'll see you tomorrow, byeeee.

-Jemma

10/24/2023

Good Morning Ameriblog.. I'm tired as FUCK and I still gotta go to college after school. Its fine. I just don't. Thats it. Aghhhhh. I saw this thing on Tumblr about Nyan Cat having a forced revival, and I'm down. That cat is cool. I really have to use the bathroom, I think I'm gonna go in a second, but I'm in AP Lit.
Also, guess who I'm gonna be for Halloween... MARCELINE the Vampire Queen. I'm super excited. She's super cool. My girlfriend is going as Bubblegum (super awesome couples costume, right?). I think this is going to be my last year trick or treating. It's wild. I'm at that point where I am old enough where people will be like "wow, youre too old, get out of here". Its cool though, I'm just vibing. i'm gonna finally go to the bathroom, I'll be right back.

I'm back, and I have developments! I got spotify to work on my school computer by using a link from a neocities website. This is epic. Anyways, as far as music goes, I've been listening to the playlist my epic girlfriend made for me, I've been listening to James Brown, Reel Big Fish, the Summer of Soul soundtrack, Sue Foley, and Otis Redding. I'm so excited, now I don't have to wait till I get home to add the music links. My life just got a whole lot easier.
Anyways, I hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday.

-Jemma

10/23/2023

First weekend I ever missed writing the blog was this weekend. It was a really busy weekend and I was pretty tired, you all get it. It s my blog anyways and I get to decide when I wanna write it.
Anyways, I just worked a lot and hung out with my badass girlfriend.. I'm pretty tired, I worked an eight and six hour shift. I haven't done that since this Summer. During the Summer I was working tons of eight hour shifts late into the night. It was pretty crazy and I definitely overworked myself. I've been trying not to do that over the school year. I just remembered I have therapy today! So thats something thats happening today. Otherwise its a pretty normal Monday.

As far as music goes, I listened to my Bo Diddlley tape and my Beatles tape in the car. I've also been listening to ZZ Hill, Willie Dixon, and some other stuff.
I hope you all have a super cool Monday, I will probably see you all tomorrow!

-Jemma

10/22/2023 Missed

10/21/2023 Missed

10/20/2023

What is up internet! Today, I am feeling pretty good. I made a super cool new friend this morning who is in on the style, and we ate lunch! I'm finally assembeling a group of people to eat with, thank goodness. I've been rotating around with people I don't like the best with for a hot minute and then things fell apart with that and now I'm good to go. It is a good day, and a Friday, and I'm excited! I have to work a ton this weekend, but I'm still excited for this weekend. No school for two days! Plus, I'm done with conferences (which stress me out). Had to pause writing the blog for a minute because I was taking a test in personal finance class, but now I'm back. Its probably gonna be another short one today because I already finished feeding my tamogatchis and I need to get back to reading A Raisin In The Sun for my AP Lit project.

As far as music goes, today I've been listening to the Reality Bites soundtrack again, Siouxie and the Banshees, The Beatles, and some other stuff that I can't currently think of. I'm really excited for tonight because I convinced my girlfriend to play pokemon cards with me after work (we work at the same place).
Anywho, that wraps up today's blog post. Even though I've got an eight hour shift tomorrow, I'm gonna try and do my blog post for Saturday anyways. I'll see you all then!

-Jemma

10/19/2023

Hello! I'm not gonna say much today. I did update the website to include the the articles page which is just articles I like. I'm gonna keep adding to it as I find little articles across the web that I like. Today is a pretty normal day, I'm pretty tired. Rewatched Return to Oz (1985) last night, it's still really good and I still have shitloads of theorys about it.
The internet scares me.

As far as music goes I listened to some Bo Diddley, more of the Reality Bites soundtrack, and the Beatles. I'm really hitting that Beatles phase hard.
I think I talk too much in my art class.
People are weird.

Anyways, thats all for today.

-Jemma

10/18/2023

Just finished some state testing. Not sure if I'm supposed to be on my computer right now, but I also don't really care. The blog must go on!
After one mental breakdown we are vibing kinda hard. That lowkey breakdown being last night. But its all good. I think I just need to chill out and have fun. Life is short, I need to take advantage, and seriously, have fun. I think everyone else in the room is done with state testing so I don't really care. Like, it should be over, just waiting.. and waiting..... and waiting.
I just realized I forgot to link all the artists from yesterday. Maybe I'll do it later. I am going to the library with my brother probably (yay!) and also hanging out with my badass girlfriend, so we'll see. Side note before I start rambling about how fucking awesome the library is, it would be funny if they eliminated my test score because I'm blogging and listening to Weezer. Like, that is catastrophically funny to me. I giggle just thinking about it.
Anyways, now for the library ramble! The library is, in my opinion of course, one of the best resources supplied by the United States government other than maybe public education. Like, this shit is great. Free internet, books, random objects, a place to chill. It's so nice. I think that everyone should get a library card. Even if you don't go to the library or use their resources. I have REASONS why to get a library card. In fact, this is a great reason to make a list:

• Free stuff including books, comics, manga, ebooks, movies (dvds and digitally), tv (dvds and digitally), wifi, and a place to hang out
• By getting a library card the library gets more money from the government and can provide more services to the public
• Another government card to add to your collection (so far I've collected a social security card, driver's license card, library card, and a few school ID cards!)

Okay, that's enough library ramble, lets get to the music!
Right now I'm listening to The Paragons(I have it linked on youtube because I'm listening to music on my chromebook), I was listening to the Reality Bites soundtrack (I bought it on CD for a dollar!), and uhh.. Oh yeah, I was listening to the Beatles and the Breeders this morning. That's about it.
They just gave us back our phones, so thats cool. Pretty sure I can do whatever I want now, and I'm probably gonna listen to music on that now. Everybody is rushing up there to go grab their phones.. Like, calm down man. I get that everybody loves their phones and is so dependent on it, but if you wait to go grab it you don't have to go through a crowd of people to get it. We've got time. They won't let us out of this room until noon (so like an hour from now. I might just blog until then, so I appologize for today's blog post being so long. Anyways, back on the phone rant. I get that everybody is so obsessed with being on their phones, but honestly, I think we can survive without them. I could survive on a flip phone to be honest, but I'm in highschool and need stuff on my phone because my parents and because I have a social life. Someday I hope to get a cool flip phone maybe. I can last without a phone too. I used to put my phone under the couch everyday after I got home from school and leave it there until I really needed it or somebody texted me. Nobody used to text me. But someday I'll have that flip phone and I'll have my mp3 player and that will be all I need. I want a flip phone with games though. The old flip phone games are fun. I think I'll also carry a shitty digital camera with me. I like the idea of actually having the files of my photos, not them being on the cloud. Google is ruining the cloud by making you pay for storage. I hope they get fucked over in the anti trust lawsuit going on right now. Yes, it might make phone prices go up, but fuck google. They're the man. You shouldn't limit internet storage space. It's an infinite space. Melonking did a good little thing on his website about that, go check it out, I think I have him linked in links.

Anyways, thats the end of my several rambles of today. I'm gonna go back to chillin in this room losing my mind. Have fun on the internet today, make sure to talk to strangers. Byee!

-Jemma

10/17/2023

Before I freak out, I do apreciate that I don't have to go to my college art class today. I'm safe from the stupid car ride.
Now I can freak out. Pretty sure I just bombed my anatomy test because I thought it was tomorrow when it was today and I was gonna do the study guide today but then I couldn't finish it before the test- I should have just kept track of when the test actually was. This is my fault, and I just need to be more on top of this class. I'll probably do a retake of the test and the lab practical soon so my grade doesn't suffer. I really don't have much to worry about with it though because my grade is currently an A- in the class, which is not a bad grade. So it's technically fine, I just need to put in more effort.
Now that you've listened to me bitch about grades for a hot minute, maybe I'll actually write some fun blog shit. Actually, lets do something special. I'm going to give you a future prediction, because I'm one of those cosmic gothgirls that can read the future. Today's luck is more than yesterday's but less than tomorrow's. Thats it for the actual blog portion. On to music.

Today I have been listening to The Beatles, Siouxie and the Banshees, Bauhaus, The Chats, and some other stuff. I'll end up linking it later, but I'm at school in gym class. This blog post has taken me all day to finish cuz I keep getting interupted.

Anyways, I will see you all tomorrow! Peace!

-Jemma

10/16/2023

"Sometimes it's like I can see the future stretched out in front of me-just plain as day. The future, Mama. Hanging over there at the edge of my days. Just waiting for me-a big, looming blank space-full of nothing. Just waiting for me."
-Walter Younger

Today is a day, tomorrow will be another day. Today's mood is feeling like a highschool american teenage burnout. Highschool is such a good oportunity, but I think I'm starting to burn out. I never have the energy or will power to do this shit. What's the point?
Maybe I'm just getting too caught up in things, it could very well be.. The quote above from A Raisin In The Sun by Lorraine Hansberry sums up how I feel a lot of times. I'm in these classes- Anatomy, AP Art- and I don't know why. If I go into an Art Career I don't want to work a 9-5 job. I think I need-
To calm down and be in the moment. It's so easy to get wrapped up in these trains of thoughts. It starts with feeling bad about my grades, then it goes to I won't be able to get into college, and then it spirals out of control. I need to learn to grab back ahold of the wheel of my brain when I'm going crazy and get it back on the track. Everything is fine, I'm just chillin in class. I need to breathe. Things are okay, I just need to look around me and see that. Maybe wrapping myself up in the internet isn't the answer. Escaping reality is not a good coping mechanism. But what am I even coping with?

Today I've been listening to Siouxie and the Banshees, X, that weird compilation album again, the Beatles, Gymshorts, and The Chats.

I feel like I went off the rails with today's blog post (reminding me of the 10/5/2023's post), but I guess I have to get that teenage angst out sometimes. Thanks for listening to me bitch!

P.S. I'll add in the links once I get home!

-Jemma

10/15/2023

Hello reader people, happy Sunday.
I am literally so tired 😭 😭 , I had that concert Friday night, homecoming last night, and now I gotta go to work in a few hours. As is life though. I dressed up pretty nice for homecoming, but at the next dance (snowball) I'm probably gonna try and dress super gothic. It'll be sweet.
In other news, the website redesign has started, my code is getting really bad (I've just basically deleted the stylesheet 😭 ) but it's gonna look super sweet so like whatever. I'm also archiving a few pages too, so theres gonna be a new archive section. Maybe.

As far as music goes, yesterday I listened to Buena Vista Social Club, the Mallrats soundtrack, and uhhh.. OH YEAH, the Muffs too! I'm actually gonna link these today (even though I'm hella tired).

I think that's about all I have to say. I'm gonna go start updating the website some more before I have to go to Church. Thanks for reading!

-Jemma

10/14/2023

Good morning American online, its finally Saturday!
I'm pulling a classic move and watching cartoon network live this morning. Currently, Amazing World of Gumball is on (peak telivision). It reminds me of my childhood (which is still technicallly going, but yknow, whatever). Now is the part of the blog where I'm nostalgic (which seems to be a theme among a lot of retro websites).
Today I'm going to homecoming with my Girlfriend! It's gonna be pretty nuts. School dances always seem to go crazy. I forget when it starts, but I'll figure it out later. I'm so on top of it lol. It's another rainy day, and not in a bad way. I'm actually kind of in the mood for a nice rainy day.
I didn't think I was gonna get to do my blog post today, but I did (although it's super rambley)! As far as music I've been listening to, I just woke up, so I haven't listened to any music yet today.
That pretty much wraps up today's blog post. I'll see you guys tomorrow if I survive homecoming!

-Jemma

10/13/2023

Good morning internet, and happy Friday the thirteenth! Today is a pretty chill rainey day, and a great day to wear your demonias.
Don't have much to say, but I will say I am thinking about redesigning the website, when I get time of course. I am working on it during school (I swear, I put so much work into the website in Anatomy, I can work on Anatomy later in my release hour).

Today I've been listening to X, the Beatles, the Chats, Descendents, the Cramps, and a weird compilation album (I will link all these when I get home tonight or tomorow or when I get time, its gonna be a busy weekend)(edit: it's 10/15/2023 and I am so not linking these.. I'm lazy as FUCK). I'm so glad I'm through with my country era. Country is nice, but it has a sort of melancholy. A sort of discontent with the present. I can't quite explain it. It's the nostalgia of a former lower class white America. It isn't mindful.
Of course, I'm not dissing on country music. I love it (anything that came out before Dolly Parton's 9 to 5) as much as the next weirdo, that's just my beef with it. Also the entrentched racism, sexism, and homophobia, but thats a whole other story.

Aaaanyways, I hope you all have a good weekend (in case I break my streak of blogging every day), I will see you all next time!

-Jemma

10/12/2023

Hello readers! The word of the day is beetles. I think I might be done with my country phase and might get into The Beatles. I'm not even going to link to them because everybody knows the Beatles and knows where to find them. I just need a change, school has been so boring and the days seem to glaze together and repeat. No more country music, that sings of times like they used to be. I need change, revolution, a fresh feeling of day to day life. But filled with positivity. I felt a new wind with goth and punk, but it wasn't too positive. I need to stay in a good mood. Maybe I can find that in the rock n roll music of the sixties. I've had enough of early rock n roll and rockabilly (for now, also excluding Chuck Berry. I love Chuck Berry). I need a new wave of raw energy. I need the Kinks, The Beatles, The Sonics, and all their Garage Rock glory. And no garage rock revival. The White Stripes and the Courettes have their place but I don't think thats what I need.
But who knows. I'm not sure how the tides of music will turn. I think I'm gonna skip today's music section of the blog because I kind of dived right into it today.

As far as life is going, things are pretty much the same. I am excited though, tommorrow I'm going to a punk show. I'm not gonna say who for the chance that my location would be compromised, but its gonna be really fun. It does suck though, because I'm not gonna see my girlfriend until Saturday. I should really get studying, I have a lab practical for Anatomy today. Thanks for tuning in, I'll see you all later. Peace!

-Jemma

10/11/23

Another day. There's so many days. I just don't want to go to school..
That's how I'll start the blog today. Have you guys heard about the Israel Palestine thing? It's so confusing to me. I kind of get it but like i don't know. I'm not gonna get into politics so much today.
I don't have much to say yet because it's the morning. Maybe I'll finish the blog later or something. Gonna pause this for now.

Ok, its about an hour later and now I have things to type about, like Web3 and the progression of the internet. Boutta drop some hot takes.

• Web3 is some communist bullshit. There's never going to be an "equal internet" and making it blockchains and decentralized isn't going to help things. As long as you have to pay for internet access (such as phones, internet bills, pcs, etc.) it isn't going to be equal
• The internet hasn't grown in a linear path. There's all this shit about Web1, Web2, and Web3 when in reality it didn't grow in a path like that. Web is in the name. If there was a path that it grew in it would be more like a web, branching out with different paths. Yes, there are significant growths from the path of Web1, Web2, and the hypothetical Web3, but nothing grows in a perfect linear path.

I think that's the end of my ramble about the internet. I just did a bunch of research this morning because I was curious. I will say my opinions are pretty much invalid because I don't actually know anything about coding or computers (except what it takes to build this ducktape and pixie dust of a website) so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. This is purely opinion (that's why its in my weirdo blog).

As far as music I've been listening to... it's been mostly country so far this morning. Also some parliament and descendents because I'm fun.

Anyways, I gotta go do schoolwork. I will see you all later!

-Jemma

10/10/2023

Hello again blog readers, its Jemma.
What if each room we were in was the only room in existence. The windows were just some sort of moving picture that adjusted when we looked at them, the doors went nowhere. Outside of our reach was only space. Sometimes I like to think about places like this. It helps me to focus on whats in front of me. Mindfullness, and all that shit.
On a seperate note, Mean Girls and Megamind are free on youtube. This is wild, and one of my friends just told me about it.
Today I was going to wear a sweet outfit, but I was lazy and a little depressed. Maybe on Friday. It's school spirit week so I don't wanna get in the way of that. I don't have anything that goes with the spirit week things.

For music I've been listening to Jeannie C. Riley (she's great), my Repeat Rewind on spotify, Patsy Cline live at the Opry, and once again my fall playlist. I'll add in the links later once I get home after I patch up my leather jacket and... there was something else I was gonna do but I forgot.

As always, have a great day, I'll see you all tommorow!

-Jemma

10/9/2023

Welcome to another day of the blog. I just ate a bagel, and now I'm here. I'm typing this up early in the morning because I'm probably going to be busy later today. I'm going to the library after dinner, I've got an appointment or two today, and yknow, school. I'm not super excited to go to school, but it could be worse. Gotta take advantage of free education while we've got it. I'm hoping today things go well, it is the first day of spirit week. We've got homecoming Saturday and the homecoming game Friday night. I would go to the game but I'm going to a punk show. Its gonna be sweet. I'm serious though, I'm really hoping today isn't that bad because I cannot do another week of mental breaking down. I moved things around in my room, so that should help, but we will see. We will see.
Do you guys ever think about what it would be like if you started your own cult? I've always thought about it, I've made plenty of plans on how I would do it. I just wouldn't want to be evil. Like, the Manson Family is super interesting to me but Manson is a nazi. I hate nazis! Why do they always ruin everything.

Anyways, as far as music goes I've some more rockabilly. Rockabilly is definitely not the best, but I enjoy it. Especially the original 1950s stuff. Anything new (other than X, the Stray Cats, and the Cramps who I'm not linking because I'm lazy, you can just go look them up) is pretty bad though.

Well, that just about wraps up what I have to say this morning. I might go read my book (A Raisen In the Sun), have a good day!

-Jemma

10/8/2023

Hello hello, it's Jemma. I'm watching Twilight, I love these movies. They're peak comedy to me. I wish I was a vampire sometimes. Today's blog is gonna be kinda short because I don't have much to say. It's a really chill day. I went to work. Went home. It's cozy vibes. I feel like I had something I wanted to write about earlier but then I got distracted. Oh well.

As far as the music goes I've been listening to Phylis Dillon, Country Music Time and Josh Garvelink.

Anyways, that just about wraps up today's blog. I have this gif for you today though because it felt like it matched today's vibe. Surf the web safely, I wish you luck.

-Jemma

10/7/2023

Welcome back to the internet. It's pretty early in the morning (for a weekend) and I'm already awake. I work at noon, so I want to get as much time to myself as I can today. I did most of my normal routine (waking up, getting dressed, eating, doing the dishes) and now I'm already writing on the blog. This is kind of my warm up. Getting my thoughts on paper. It feels healthy. I might go do some collage after this, after all, I just got some new materials from the local book store. It was like 50 cents a book (and I got a sweet old shonen jump magazine!). All of my books I bought were also covered by old credit I had from my comics I used to sell. Anyways, today is a rainy day. I'm going to enjoy the weather rather than dread it.

I've been listening to Elvis and Weezer. Also Blueberry Hill by Fats Domino.

That wraps up today's blog! I will see you all tomorow.

-Jemma

10/6/2023

Looking back at yesterday's blogpost I have no clue what I was on yesterday. Teenage angst and sadness goes wild. I think I gave my dad too much shit in yesterdays blog. Well, thats the past, todays a new day.

Today's fit is sick. I'd like to think I look as goth as I can get (without like, makeup). I'm so glad it's Friday, and I think tonight I might go downtown with my brother if my parents don't have other plans. I need to get a sketchbook and a book from the library. I have a friend at the art store downtown who can give me a discount.
This brings me to a point about the blog: I'm not telling you guys where I live or the names of any of the places I live. I want to remain anonymous in location. Imagine I live in the town from the Gilmore Girls, because it is kind of like it. A small town, not a ton of people.
Do you guys ever have people that you look up to? And then they give you compliments? Yeahh, I jsut had that. Theres some pretty cool people out there, and I like their style. I want to steal it lol.
Anyways, happy Friday to all of you readers.

Music I've been listening to: More Descendents... Hahaha. I've been listening to them so much I'm practically obsessed. I was also listening to ZZ Hill and Donnas this morning because they both have Friday songs. Gotta make little things I do or listen to each day of the week so I make them unique, more fun, different, and therefore more livable. Right now I'm just listening to my On Repeat playlist because its got some bangers on it. I also listened to the full Mallrats soundtrack between today and yesterday. I also listened to this song Fender by Nep because it was on one of my friend's playlists I was checking out. Its interesting. I'm not sure if I like it, it has this weird tinge of sadness that a lot of this certain type of music have.
Once again I have to add the links once I get home, school wifi hates me..

Anyways, that just about wraps up today's blog. Sorry about the weird vibes yesterday, hope you all have a great friday :)

-Jemma

10/5/2023

My dad hates my Demonias. He thinks they look like clown shoes. He makes me mad.
I don't know why I'm in school. This is a really good opportunity, one that not many people in the world get. I have so many opportunities and I am so thankful for all of them. I need to take advantage. I should be happy.
Whats the point? I go through highschool to get into another school so I can pick up a spot in a work force. I will work until I die.
Finding happiness in every day is hard. My classes are stressful, but not in a normal way. English seems irrelevent. Art is directionless, and I'm beginning to hate my own creations. Science and Gym are unexpected difficulties. Personal Finance is the only class that seems to have practical application, but only benefits that apply to scraping by in our soceity.
Who tells us how to be happy? Who tells us the reason we are here?
I want to be myself but I can't support my own identity with the level of confidence and self esteem I have.

-Jemma

10/4/2023

Today its gonna get deep, prepare yourself.
Alright, lets go. People say some weird shit. You do something that they don't find normal and they might take a couple different routes. None of this is science, but its just what I notice. They either attack it, learn about it, or ignore it until it impacts them. Non Hetero-normative identities are one of those things. As a gay person (as a broad category), I feel it. No, I'm not opressed. No, I'm not complaining. These are notes on things that I have personally expierienced.
Today somebody told me they support what I was wearing, they were cool with it. They said they just don't like it when people make it their whole personality... What does that mean? I'm not sure. The other day somebody also told me they were cool with what I was doing, and that we need to respect everybody even if they don't agree with it. Do they not think my identity or existence is ok? Thats fine I guess, I can't do anything about what other people think. I can only control myself and my thoughts. It still bothers and confuses me though sometimes...

That stuff out of the way, I've been having a pretty good day. Academics are a struggle sometimes, and I think I'm burning out a little bit, but otherwise its been smooth sailing. Last night I had a really good call with one of my friends and we busted into the scene... scene. It was fun. Today I get to just chill after school too! Maybe I'll work on the site some more. I'm not sure what I want to or can add, but I'm gonna cook something up. As long as I'm doing these blog posts every day I'll be happy.

As far as music goes, I've been listening to this weird song called I'm Finally Free or something... He's like this rockabilly country performer that has like maybe five songs on spotify. I should really dig deeper into him. I've also been digging into some of Jimmy McGriff's funky stuff, last night I was trying to listen to the Emo Boy song (but discord music bots are trash), some Bill Withers, a mix of country artists, and last night I was really jamming to some Chuck Berry. I LOVE CHUCK BERRY!!! If you don't know him, go google him. Listen to him. He INVENTED rock n roll. None of your punk, emo, goth, garage rock, rockabilly, rock, rock n roll, scene, or other sub genres would exist without this man. Max respect, God bless his soul. Theres my Chuck Berry rant of the day lol.

Anyways, thats all for now. I need to remember to put the links in later (I can't on the school computer because of spotify being blocked).. Until then,

-Jemma

10/3/2023

Well, I'll be honest. I'm not really looking forward today, its gonna be one of my long days. I know I shouldn't rule today off like that so early in the morning, but who am I to care. There's going to be good parts as well as bad parts, but I just don't want to do the work of going to school and college and everything. Getting home super late? No thanks.. There's ways I can make it better (like wearing a cool outfit), but I chose to dress really chill today. No gothgirl partying, just subtle disapointment of an expectedly long day.

This morning the only music I've listened to so far is rockabilly.. Maybe thats why I'm not looking forward today lol.

Well, its looking like a short blog post today. I'm just doing it in the morning because I won't have time to write later (unless I do, then I guess you're just getting cheated out of your daily Jemma shitposting). Thanks for stopping in,

-Jemma

10/2/2023

Anatomy class is so boring (can you guess where I am?). Last night I had so many ideas of things to write about on the blog today but now its all dry. Maybe its cuz I'm kinda hungry. Good thing lunch is coming up. Actively trying to spice up the website with some little gifs and buttons. Its fun!

Music I've been listening to: I'm listening to my Japan playlist actively, its a bit of a crazy mix but its long and has a lot of good shit (lots of Guitar Wolf tho lol). I was listening to Nirvana again this morning (I'm such a basic bitch). I also listened to the Beatles (again, I'm a basic bitch).

I wonder if I'll ever be applying for a job and they won't hire me because of this website... Anyways, thats all.

-Jemma

10/1/2023

WAKE UP! ITS THE FIRST OF THE MONTH! I can't believe it's finally October! I'm not a ton of a Fall person (although I do passively enjoy it), but I'm glad it's October. I'm done with September, good month but very stressful. September is for starting school and going to the lovely mall. October is spooky as hell and kinda fun. I'm not sure what I'm going to be for Halloween, but I'll figure it out. I've been a vampire for the past two year so I ought to switch it up this year. Perhaps I'll be a pirate. I do love pirates

Music I've been listening to: I've been checking out this song from the Mall Rats soundtrack, and just other random stuff. Nothing much new in the music department. I have been trying to learn Wild Wild Lover and this song that the White Stripes covered (original by Blind Willie McTell) because both songs are in an alternate tuning and I do NOT want to tune my guitar back (it's easy, I'm just lazy).

That's it. I'm done. Bye.

-Jemma

9/30/2023

I've made it a second day! Hurray! I've done blogs in the past and they've never survived. Maybe this will be different.

The hard thing about blogging like this is I'm not sure what I do and don't want to share. I could talk about what I'm doing today, but is that too up in my business? Will anyone even see this? Does it even matter if they do? Whats the harm in people knowing about whats going on in my life?

But lets get real here, my legs HURT LIKE HELL! Required gym classes are killing me (now you know I'm in some form of school, more power to you). I wouldn't say I'm super fit (I'm an art kid and a goth/punk/unlabeled alt kid, of course I'm weak) so this class has been a rude awakening. I don't hate the idea of being a little bit strong so I don't fall apart when I'm old, but its hard lol. I'd rather spend my time wandering the mall than going to the gym.

Ok, I should probably go eat lunch now, best wishes.

-Jemma

9/29/2023

Welcome to the first blog post on my website and welcome to Jemma on the Web! Lets start with some basics.

First off, my name isn't actually Jemma, thats just an online name so yall don't stalk me. I'm paranoid, I know, but it happens. Hopefully if you're traversing the internet and Neocities you aren't one of those creeps, but one can never be too cautious.

Second off, there is no topic I will or won't be guaranteed to cover. This is my blog, and that means my terms. My terms are also not having to follow grammar (even though I'll try my best).

Music I've been listening to: My Fall Playlist, Nirvana's popular album (I know, I'm basic, but I'm just checking it out. This one song from the Mallrats soundtrack got me in the mood), Weezer's blue album (again, cuz I'm basic)... and some other shit. You don't realize how much pure emotion is in that album until you've cried in the dark in your bed at night to it a few times (not that I've done that, I would never). If you want to know what I've been listening to lately (as in over however spotify does their time tracking shit) click this link. Thats about the end of my music rant for today.

You never know how good you have it until its gone. Keep what you care about close. Safe travels, thanks for reading.

-Jemma